Tuesday, April 14, 2009

the Taxes that Backs Us Attacks Us

Types of Taxes

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENT: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and
our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely
no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and
Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What the hell happened?

(LEFT:) Replica IRS Pencil Sharpener

Get yours today for $29.99 + S&H and 15% sales tax.

Tax Stamps

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.

What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?

What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
His co-workers.

What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A Doberman.

What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Kosher Deduction

Rabbi Rabinovitz answers his phone.


"Hello, is this Rabbi Rabinovitz?"

"It is."

"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"

"I'll try."

"Do you know Sam Cohen?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $25,000 to the synagogue rebuilding fund last year?"

"He will!"

Explaining the Flag

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"

Taxes Remitted

There was a man who made his tax returns promptly and properly only to find that he owed the IRS [Internal Revenue Service], in 1997, $3,407USD. [Somewhat less than £2,000] He packaged up his payment and included this letter:

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 1997 tax return and payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.

Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).Screw $22

This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the 'Presidential Election Fund', as noted on my return. Might I suggest you then send the above mentioned fund a '1.5 inch screw' . (See attached article - HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I have just read an article about the Pentagon and 'screwdrivers'.


Disgruntled of Oklahoma.



Phils Phun said...

G'day Hale
Couple of good funnies there that I'll just have to pinch
How are you my friend??

Sandee said...

Good ones. Tomorrow is the day isn't it.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


As always - pinch away - as I am apt to do at your site.

Hale McKay said...


Yes tomorrow (4/15) is the day!

Skunkfeathers said...


Dear IRS: this comments approving of the humor here were written by me.


Timothy Geitner

PS: I'm your boss now...pay WHAT taxes?

Hale McKay said...


LOL - poor Timmy.

Maybe Lassie will come to his rescue.