Moving Violations

Stupid Rednecks!
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"

"My wife said she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car ... and she wanted me to drive."
- Rodney Dangerfield

Any Objections?

Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more. After the prom he drove to a secluded spot and parked. After some really passionate embracing, he persuaded her to move into the backseat. When things got heated up again he said, "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That's something I have never done before," Ashley replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Brad was amazed.

"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"

ROAD TRIP
Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Florida and New York.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.

"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.

"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.

"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Florida.

"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"

Inspired, the gal from Florida opened the car door and pushed the New Yorker out.

My Body the Car
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull .... But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!


№ 1705