Cletis Clyde's Medical Terms

Cletis Clyde, here. Y'all knows me as a redneck and a hillbilly. People sometimes look down at us thinking us to be indignorant. Tarnation! They think we don't know much of nuffin'! Well, I might have to take my clod hoppers off to count all the kinfolk I got what ain't got past the seventh grade, but I sure enuff know all they is to knows about fancy medicine words.


Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.

Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan........................Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.

Colic............................A sheep dog.

Coma...........................A punctuation mark.

D&C............................Where Washington is.

Dilate...........................To live long.

Enema..........................Not a friend.

Fester...........................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula...........................A small lie.

G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.

Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff................A Doctor's cane.

Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.

Node...........................I knew it.

Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.

Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative.............A letter carrier.

Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.

Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.

Secretion.....................Hiding something

Seizure........................Roman emperor.

Tablet.........................A small table.

Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor..........................More than one.

Urine..........................Opposite of mine.

Varicose......................Near by/close by


Yup, I reckon I knows this list has made its round out yonder on the Interment Net, but that don't mean it ain't funny bone ticklin' enuff for y'all to read again! (That's providin' y'all knows how to read!)

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