Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Reconsidering Surgery

You're having an operation - you're under the knife - but you are conscious of your surroundings - you can hear every word of the doctors and nurses ...

It's too late to reconsider surgery if you hear:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops!

Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Damn, there go the lights again....

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them.

What do you mean you want a divorce?

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, schmerile. The floor's clean, right?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature!

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Darn! Page 147 of the manual is missing!


Getting Even

One day, a woman opened her door to find an straggly cat sitting on the porch. The cat was a sorry sight - starving, dirty, smelly, and had matted fur.

Feeling sorry for the poor animal and against her husband's wishes, she put in a carrier and took it the vet. She didn't know what to call it, so she just named it 'Pussycat.'

The vet decided to keep the cat for a couple of days for observations. He told the couple he would call them to let them know when they could come and pick it up.

The husband, a constant complainer, said, "Okay, but don't forget to wash it, it stinks." He went on to remind the vet that it was his wife who wanted the dirty cat and not him.

From past experience the husband and the vet didn't see eye to eye. The vet referred to him as 'El Cheapo,' while the husband called the vet 'El Chargo.' They loved to hate each other and constantly sniped at one another. The husband had gotten in the last word on that particular occasion.

It just so happened that the next day the husband had an appointment with his primary care physician, whose office was on the same floor in the same building as the vet's office.

The MD's office was full of patients, including the husband, waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen the man arrive. He looked straight at the husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink anymore. We washed it and shaved it, and now it smells like a rose. Oh and, by the way, she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!"

1781

12 comments:

WackyMummy said...

Last joke was great. =)

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahaha. That last one I'm going to have to steal. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Jack K. said...

Being a cat lover I am still laughing the cat joke.
Bwahahahahaha!!
ROTFLMAO

Mike Golch said...

Oh my goodness,I almost chocked laughing so hard.

Christina said...

Love the cat joke - LMAO!!!!

Hale McKay said...

WackyMummy,

I liked that joke too!

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

Another vote for the cat joke.

Steal away!

Hale McKay said...

Jack,

Living with three cats, one of them a stray that showed up on our porch in the winter - I could relate to the joke.

Hale McKay said...

Mike,

Sorry you choked, but glad you liked the jokes.

Hale McKay said...

Christina,

That practically makes the cat joke unanimous.

Peter said...

Nah I'm goin' for the list of things you don't want to hear in the operating theater

Hale McKay said...

Peter,

Thanks. I was beginning to think that part of the post was being ignored altogether.