Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Sex Times the Fun

Q: Is it wrong to have sex before you're married?
A: Only if it makes you late for the ceremony.

Letter To An Advice Column In the Future:
If some someone has sex with his clone, is it masturbation or incest?

A man told his blonde girlfriend that sex might be more exciting if she got a Brazilian.
Now she's sleeping with a guy named Paulo.

To help weather the international financial crisis, husbands are saving money by having sex with their wives.
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A new guy in town was chatting with his neighbor when they saw two women walking toward them.

"Shit," the new guy said. "Here comes my wife, and she's with the woman I've just starting screwing on the side. I'd better hide."

"Damn," the neighbor said, "You took the words right out of my mouth."

□ □ □ □

"You used to be the life of the party in the old days," reminisced one buddy to another. "Does your wife still find you entertaining after seven years of marriage?"

"No," answered the other, "She hasn't caught me."

□ □ □ □

A man bought a woman a couple of drinks in a bar and asked if she would like to go to his apartment to continue talking.

"Sure," she replied, "but it won't lead to anything."

When they entered his apartment she reminded him, "Don't waste your time with any fancy moves."

"Hey, what do you think I am?" he said. "I'm not looking for a one-night stand. I want you for my wife."

"Great," she said. "What time will she be home?"

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A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope! I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."

His wife said, "Thank you."

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Two business men were sitting in a bar and one was complaining about his new live-in girlfriend.

"I'm telling you," the first said, "I've had it with her. She keeps bring her work home night after night. I'm really considering ending the relationship. I can't take it anymore!"

"Well," the second man said, "I can see how that would be annoying. But having a girl who's interested in her career isn't a reason to break up."

The first man replied, "It is if your girlfriend's a hooker."

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Phils Phun said...

G'day Mate
Good jokes
Iwill be pinching a couple of those
Cheers from down under

Jack K. said...



Great jokes.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. Another set of wonderful laughs. Great way to start my day. Thanks.

Have a terrific day. :)

Skunkfeathers said...

Sex reasons to visit It Occurred To Me ;)

Hale McKay said...


G'day Mate.

Pinch away - Like Sandee, I'm not adverse to pinching jokes from you. Turn about is fair play.

Hale McKay said...


Thanks, glad you got a laugh out of them.

Hale McKay said...


Which is a better way for one to start his or her day - I wonder ...?

Breakfast? or laughing?

Hale McKay said...


However many reasons - glad to see the comments and visit.

Peter said...

Only if it makes you late for the ceremony.

You had me after that line.

NYD said...

I will remember not to tell my wife to get a Brazillian!

Good Laughs, Thanks.

Hale McKay said...


Hey, it's a good line - at least to start out a post of jokes.

Hale McKay said...


I think that's a good idea.

Nankin said...

I needed a good laugh this morning.

Hale McKay said...


It's good to hear from you. I'm glad to accommodate you.