Saturday, August 15, 2009
You are in heaven! You are getting laid! At long last, you're having sex! Your limbs are intertwined with those of your partner. Your every thrust is met with equal force by your partner ...
And then ... horrors! You begin wondering what your partner is thinking while you are in the act. Then you begin thinking if they are wondering what you are thinking ...
Soon the two of you are thinking about:
Things They're Thinking While They’re Having Sex With You:
■ I hope she doesn't think I'm staying the night.
■ I hope I don’t cry afterward.
■ When we're done, will it hurt if I chew my arm off?
■ I hope he doesn’t ask me to say his name because I already forgot it.
■ I hope I don’t fart.
■ Did she just fart?!
■ What the f**k is he doing?
■ Is this car still in drive?
■ Why are you choking me?
■ Is that a camera?
■ Why am I f**king you?
■ Did I leave the stove on?
■ What color should I paint my room?
■ I wonder if she notices my titties bouncing as hard as hers?
■ I wonder if he heard me say Mike's name?
■ Why would he think *that* feels good?
■ I wish he’d move his head so I could see the TV.
■ Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
■ Well this is disappointing.
■ Please don’t keep trying to kiss me.
■ Who the f**k is Mike?
■ Stop screaming or you’ll wake my parents up.
■ I hope he doesn't think he's spending the night.
■ I should have just bought new batteries.
■ Hmm…her right one is bigger than the left.
■ If he asks me one more time if its big enough I'm gonna tell him the truth.
■ Does she always cry this much?
■ Why is she listening to her iPod now?
■ It looked better in his gym shorts.
■ It's been a good 20 minutes. Time to fake a small orgasm.
■ Did I push “record”?
■ I'M NAKED!!
■ If another drop of your sweat hits me in my face, it’s over.
■ They need to stop playing all these STD commercials.
■ I can do this all day as long as she just doesn't turn around.
■ Please stop talking to me.
■ My ex was better.
■ His sister was better.
■ His electric toothbrush was better.
■ I could be watching "The Golden Girls" right now.
■ Beautiful. This is really scratching my rash.
■ That’s not me, dude. That’s the pillow.
■ Did I just orgasm or pee? Either way he seemed impressed.
■ I wonder if he takes his socks off to shower.
■ Pretending to be asleep didn't get him off of me.
■ I could play connect the dots with the pimples on his ass!
■ Betty said he was good, I only assumed she meant in bed.
■ Wait! Did she ...? Yes, she actually moved!
■ I wish he'd waited until I removed my pantie hose.
■ Did he ask me if was good for me too ... already?
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 4:48 PM