Thursday, October 15, 2009

Terror Error

A fleeing Taliban soldier, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"Okay," said the old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

"Your frickin’ brother won't let me in without a tie!"


The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadi Nejad, wakes up one morning and calls The U.S. President, Barack Obama, on the phone.

"Mr. Obama, I had the most wonderful dream! I came to your country and everyone had the most beautiful banners hanging from the roof of their houses, and each one read 'God is Allah, Allah is God' in bright gold letters!"

Obama responds, "That's awfully funny. I too had a very similar dream. I flew over Tehran and also noticed signs hanging from each building, with bright gold writing."

"Well, what did the signs say?," asked Iranian President.

Obama responds, "I don't know. I don't read Hebrew."

Southern Terrorist Advisory, Atlanta

The governors of Alabama, South Carolina, Arkansas, Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they have made a disturbing discovery in their states.

Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls. The result is not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting the creation of a new sector of the human race: Islamabubbas.

So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate and seal them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following children:
Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Boudit
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin There Dundat
Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have sprung from one couple:
Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin.

We were discussing the Middle East when my friend asked about the Kurds. "They want their own homeland," I explained. "But Iraq won't give up any land for it, and neither will Iran or Turkey."

"So what you're saying is," he concluded, "they won't let the Kurds have their way?"


Worldwide Survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

1816

4 comments:

WackyMummy said...

***groan!****

Sandee said...

I stole the first one. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...

WackyMummy,

Oops. I struck the pun nerve.

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

And a good one to steal.