Much Ado About Nothing Doing

Over the last couple of years most of the posts appearing here on Mondays and Fridays have been installments of original fiction spawned from my twisted imagination. Since the conclusion of the last yarn, The Quill and the Quire, I've been struggling to get back into the flow. The creative juices seemed to be undergoing a drought.

They say that the human mind is like an open book. Imagine my chagrin to find mine has blank pages! That would suggest that if I were to speak my mind, I would have nothing to say.

What then can one talk about, when one has nothing to say?

Consider the proverbial tree in the forest; if it falls and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? If I were to post an article about something and no one was to read it, wouldn't it follow that nothing was read? Conversely, and herein lies a conundrum, if I were to post about nothing and someone was to read it, how is it that something was read? Or was it?

When asked to speak one's mind, how is this possible when one's mind is blank? Can one talk about nothing? It is said that politicians can speak at length without saying anything. Is it really possible to say something, and yet say nothing? Surely, in this case, nothing is something. Isn't it?

There must be something to nothing. After all, we hear nothing all the time. When an athletic team is shut out, they scored nothing. Isn't that something? "Hey buddy, got a fiver I can borrow?" "Sorry mate, my pockets are empty." But wait, don't pockets have insides? Now that's something!

Even Shakespeare wrote "Much Ado About Nothing." Curiously, there was something about that piece of work. There must be nothing in something; if not then nothing is nothing.

I'm glad this makes sense to no one because I know nothing of the something I am talking about, because I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Something about nothing has just got to better than nothing about something. Don't you agree?

However, if this makes sense to someone, then they know something of the nothing that I don't know of which I am talking about. That means they would know exactly as much as I know. Nothing!

Now, isn't that something?

You know, the healthiest part of a doughnut is its hole. Ironically, you must eat the something that surrounds that hole in order to eat nothing. It doesn't make sense. Why not start with the hole? At least we'd have something left!

It would appear that I've produced something on the screen. Is it something about something? Is it nothing about something? Something about nothing? Or is it nothing about nothing?

See what I mean? I can think of nothing to say ... and that's saying something!

Since, I have nothing to say about something, or anything for that matter, I will say nothing until I think of something to say, even if it is about nothing.

The Beatles sang "Something", but I think the Blues Magoos said it best: "We Ain't Got Nothing Yet..."

№ 1890