One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, “My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines Day this year, so I guess I’ll have to put my legs in the air for him.” To which her friend replied, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?”
As Valentines day was approaching, Charlie decided to buy a special gift for his new girlfriend, Ruth. The couple had not been dating for very long, and so Charlie wanted to make sure the gift was just right. Ruth was always complaining about having cold hands, and so Charlie - after careful consideration - decided a good gift would be a nice pair of gloves.
Charlie took his sister with him to buy the gift - he wanted a woman’s opinion. they found a nice pair of gloves at the store, and Charlie’’s sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. Unfortunately, the sales clerk got the two items mixed up.
Charlie mailed his Valentine’’s Day gift to Ruth, accompanied by the following note:
I chose this Valentines Day gift as I noticed that you often don”t wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
These are a lovely color. The lady at the store where I bought them showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I”ll be kissing them in the future. I hope you”ll wear them Friday night for me.
<-- They're going to a club. Which one gets hit on first?
Did Barbie like Ken's Valentine gift? -->
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!
I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?
Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?
I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
I wish I were a tear so I could start in your eyes, live on your face, and die on your lips.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.
I think I need to call heaven because they’ve lost one of their angels.
Is your name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
The body is made up of 90% water and I’m thirsty.
Baby you must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night!
Are you an overdue book? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you!
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice- can I get your number?
I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
If I had a garden I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.
If you were a new sandwich at McDonalds, you’d be called McGorgeous.
All those curves! And me with no brakes!
Excuse me for interrupting and I’m not trying to make a pass, but you must be leaving the country if you’re packing that much ass.
You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everyone we did anyway!
I would say God bless you but it looks like he already did.
It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Damn, I’m glad I’m not blind!
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If I told you you had a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?
You look like my second wife! And I’ve only been married once!
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Do you believe in love at first site, or should I walk past you again?
If you were Sprite, I’d obey my thirst!
Excuse me can I borrow a quarter, it is an emergency. My mom told me to giver her a call the first time I fell in love.
I lost my number, can I have yours?
Let’s make like fabric softner and snuggle.
Do you like bananas or blueberries? Why? I wanna know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning.
"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
"Falling in love is so hard on the knees."
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
"Love is a grave mental disease."