Tuesday, February 09, 2010

My Generation?

I tuned in to the Super Bowl halftime show expecting:

Only to find instead:

What a pathetic sight for sore eyes! They weren't too good on the ears either!

Roger Daltrey - walk away from the mike. Pete Townsend - hang up the guitar!

Your former band mates Keith Moon and John Entwistle (may they rest in peace) must have been rolling over in their graves!

Guys, it's time to sign up for social security, or whatever they offer senior citizens in England.

Since your performance was a joke, I think I'll segue into some jokes.

<--- Airport Security:
The drawbacks to full-body scans.

Airport Customs

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?" he replied.

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the priest.

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she said.

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

Half Off These Tickets

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

The Affair

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot.

She keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:

"Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

The Hilton at the Dulles Airport was closed Saturday after 120 guests were sickened with a contagious disease. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton remains open.

The Flea and the Stewardess

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every summer in Miami for a vacation.

Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he’s shivering and shaking. The other flea asks him, “Why are you shaking so badly?”

The first flea says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on Harley.”

The other flea responds saying, “That’s the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it’s warm and cozy. It’s the best way to travel that I can think of.”

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next summer. A year goes by…..

When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again. The second flea says, “Didn’t you try what I told you?”

“Yes,” says the first flea, “I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of a guy on a Harley.”

Where You Flyin' To?

Two women, one from the one from the south, are seated next to one another on a plane.

"Where you flyin' to?" says the southern woman.

The northern woman turns up her nose and says, "Don't you know you should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?"

The southern woman thinks about this for a second and replies, "Where you flyin' to, bitch?"

Out To Pasture

A group of Americans wes traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

"These," she explained, "Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"



Jack K. said...

Loved the jokes.

Is it just me, or was there some lip-syncing with the Who?

Hale McKay said...


Lip-syncing ? To a bad sound track?

They sounded awful - no harmony - couldn't hit the notes ...

Sandee said...

I didn't hear the performance so I'll just take your word for it.

I love the biker jokes. Sounds about right. Bwhahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Skunkfeathers said...

I heard the performance...I think the look on my face was akin to that of the AFLAC Duck, listening to Yogi Berra.

I was going to say, at least no clothing failures...DOH!