<--- It was hot day in the auditorium when over the P.A. system the principal shouted, "Prop the doors!"
It would appear that six of the students misunderstood him!
Doesn't it strike you as strange that the U.S. armed forces cannot find Osama bin Laden, but yet two cops in Iowa can find 4 potted marijuana plants in a man's corn field?
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
After catching her twelve-year-old son masturbating, a woman finished her tirade by shouting, "Don't play with it!"
The embarrassed boy replied, "I was just cleaning it and it went off by itself!"
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
The thorough search of all her belongings -- and her person -- finally brought the woman to a boil. "This is absolutely astonishing! You might as well be raping me!"
"I don't think so, Ma'am," replied the FAA security guard. "The most we're allowed to do is a nice slow cavity search."
The same woman went to her gynecologist for a checkup. She seemed to be very embarrassed and uncomfortable. "Haven't you been examined like this before?" asks the doctor.
"Every time I fly these days," she replied, "but never by a doctor!"
Bob's wife was not a very good cook. Especially bad was the meatloaf she placed on the table before him one evening. To her dismay she watched him put the plate on the floor for the family dog.
Later she observed the dog licking its ass. She said to her husband, "That's so disgusting. Why does he do that?"
Replied Bob, "I reckon he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
When he woke up the next day in the hospital he didn't remember being hit in the head with the rolling pin.
If guns kill people, can we blame pencils for misspelled words?