Spaced Out

In 1966, the original Star Trek debuted.

When Captain Kirk first flipped open his communicator to contact the Enterprise I remembered musing, 'Wow. Wouldn't it be neat to be able to talk to someone with a wireless hand-held device like that?'

Fast forward to today and it's not such a marvelous thing! Practically everyone walks around with a cell phone these days.

Camel Trek

The president is talking to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran.

Ahmadinejad says, "My son likes to watch your American television. He especially likes something called Star Trek. I have watched this myself and noticed that the crew is multi-racial; there is a black lady, a Russian, a Scotsman and an Asian, but there are no Muslims, why is this?

The president smiles and says "That's easy .... Star Trek is set in the future!"

Fantasy
A man browses around a bookstore for half an hour or more before going up to a clerk.

"Excuse me," he says. "I'm looking for a book called 'The Perfect Marriage.'"

Says the clerk, "Have you looked in the Science Fiction section?"

Star Wars Lines That Sound Dirty
* "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
* "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
* "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
* "You've got something jammed in here real good."

* "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
* "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
* "Sorry about the mess..."
* "Look at the size of that thing!"
* "Curse my metal body, I wasn"t fast enough!"
* "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
* "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
* "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
* "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
* "That"s okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
* "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
* "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
* "It's possible he came in through the south entrance."
* "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
* "Control, control! You must learn control!"
* "Hey, point that thing someplace else."
* "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master."
* "I never knew I had it in me."
* "There is good in him, I've felt it."
* "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
* "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
* "She's gonna blow!"
* "I think you"ll fit in nicely."
* "Rise, my friend."
* "I'm sure he wasn't on that thing when it blew..."
* "Wedge! Pull out! You"re not doing any good back there!"

Sci-Fi Geek Pick-up Lines

"Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on 'stunning.'"

- "I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!!"

- "Nice Asimov."

- "Not only can I beam you aboard, I can beam you a woody."

- "Earth woman, prepare to be probed!"

- "I'm the droid you're looking for."

- "Is that a spare Vulcan ear in your pocket or... well, I'm just asking because some jerk in the parking lot pulled off one of my Vulcan ears."

- "Hey, baby. I own Microsoft."

- "Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'"

№  1999