Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The E-mail Must Go Through

Just Released Photo:  Prototype of Coffin Proposed For Dolly Parton.
-Thanks Don

Creeping around to the bedroom window, two private detectives finally caught their client's wife in bed with another man.

"Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go after him."

"Great idea," the other replied with lust in his eyes. "How soon do think he'll be finished?"

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A woman walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk if they sold extra-large condoms.

He replied, "Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?"

"No," she said, "but do you mind if I wait here until someone does?"

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A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby. The baby won’t take it so she says, “Come on, eat it all up or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”

Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, “Eat it all up or I’ll give it to this nice man here.”

The bloke says, “Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should’ve got off four stops ago!”

-Thanks Phil

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GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet .. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

-Thanks Cathy

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MEDICAL RESEARCH 

Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better....

Just thought you'd like to know.

-Thanks Cathy

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BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO ARE CRACKED,
FOR THEY ARE THE ONES WHO LET IN THE LIGHT!

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-Thanks Don
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A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are. You are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 130 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in Heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

-Thanks again, Cathy

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2028

8 comments:

Mike Golch said...

I like the new look, and I am so swipping some of this stuff, I will give you a Tip of the Hat and a link back.

Hale McKay said...

Mike,

Thanks for the comment on the new look.

As for swiping - swipe away!

kidz_pets said...

I am so swipping too!! Love them! and the new look too.
Keep up the great work-you make my days a little brighter.

Sandee said...

These are all so ironically true. The very best kind.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...

Kidz,

Swiping is for kidz. :o}

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

There is always some truth in irony.

Phils Phun said...

g'day mate
like the others I am pinching a couple
Take it easy
I'll shout you a coldie tonight

Hale McKay said...

Phil,

No problem. I've pinched a few from you before. What goes around comes around.