Monday, December 20, 2010

Naughty ... NICE !

How To Tell If Santa Has Been Naughty or Nice.

Soot has been tracked all over your wife's brand new $1500 carpet.

You leave him milk and cookies ... and he eats the last drumstick and drinks your last beer!

The refrigerator door was left open.

The lock to the liquor cabinet has been picked.

The living room smells like a brewery.

Your teenage daughter's underwear drawer has been rifled.

One of your Playboy magazines (open to the centerfold) is on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet.

The toilet wasn't flushed and the seat was left in the up position.

Outlined in yellow, "Ho-Ho-Ho" was traced into the snow in your front yard.

Your mother-in-law comes out of the guest bedroom with a silly smile and muttering "He doesn't call ... He doesn't write ..."

Half of the bricks of your chimney are scattered in your back yard.

A pay-for-view XXX adult movie shows up on your cable bill for 3:30 AM on 12/25.

For 12/25 a $75 phone call on your next bill is to one of those 1-900 Phone Sex numbers.

In the spring you find that your clogged gutters and downspouts are the result of reindeer droppings.

The following September your unwed teenage daughter names her son Nicholas.
Perhaps we should give the old boy a break. He means well, especially when it comes to the kids. I suppose he can't be blamed for wanting to have a little fun - to unwind. How would you like to be cooped up in a small cabin with a bunch of elves all year long?
Santa Knows Where Naughty Girls Live.
And Naughty Girls Know When He's Coming.
He Might Punish The Naughty Girls ...

...Or He Might Forgive Them!

Don't Think he Doesn't Punish Little Boys ...

...Or The Grown Up Boys.
Yeah, let's give the old boy a break. When Christmas is over, the only thing he has to look forward to is the company of those elves and a team of reindeer.

364 days a year he has to be inventive to find release.



Anonymous said...

What can I say...I've had these visions dancing in my head...Naked sitting on Santas lap....all just a little too real...MY dreams that came alive in YOUR head! See you in my dreams...-Cathy

Jack K. said...

Merry Christmas!!

Sandee said...

You have such a twisted mind. Revolves around sex mostly. Just saying.

Have a Merry Christmas. :)

Hale McKay said...


It was the power of suggestion on your part that led me to use that cartoon.

Hale McKay said...


...And a merry Christmas to you as well.

Hale McKay said...


I know, sex isn't everything. But then again it ranks way ahead of whatever is in 2nd place.