Monday, January 31, 2011

Chariots of the Household Gods

The cacophony of the charging warriors upon the battlefield resonated long into the day. As if some impending doom might smite them, these soldiers were hellbent on the success of their holy crusades. Woe be to he who stood in their path.

This Charge of the Light-headed Brigade was not for the pursuit of some elusive Holy Grail, it was not being mounted to recapture usurped homelands, and it was not a call to arms to appease their gods. Nay, their quest was being fueled by the need for survival.

Onward through a phalanx of chariots they laid siege upon the unprotected stores. They raided the shopkeeper's larders, hoarded the fruits and vegetables of the farmers' gardens and claimed the meats of their livestock. They pillaged the dairies and sacked the bakeries. Hungry for more spoils of war, they ran gauntlet after gauntlet to amass even more booty.

The combatants cursed those charioteers who might veer into their path. The weaker of the enemies were forced to yield to the skill of the fastest and to the power of the strongest. Seasoned warriors, veterans of such wars, see these encounters as mere skirmishes.

There are no standard bearers - no flags furled or unfurled rise above these chariots of the household gods.

These soldiers wear no armor or suits made of chain-mail. Their battledress is as varied as individuals themselves. They are not armed with lances, spears or arrows - but nonetheless, they are heavily armed.

They carry weapons of great power - cash, credit cards, debit cards and even food stamps.

They are driven by words of the doomsayers, the seers and the oracles. Are these purveyors of doom wizards? In days of yore, they might have been thought to have mystical powers. In the present times, however, they who spur these crusades are known as meteorologists.

Thus it has come to pass that these prognosticators of the weather have set into motion the marauding hordes who are bearing down upon the establishments to purchase their goods.

When it comes to weathermen and weather-women, is it me, or do they seem to regale in nasty weather forecasts? They do not seem to be as enthusiastic when the weather is going to be sunny and fair. However, when it comes to a blizzard - it looks like some of them get rather ... orgasmic!

Beaming from ear to ear, the meteorologists are once again spreading their cheer.

Before sunrise tomorrow, Tuesday, February 1, snow will begin falling in parts of New England. By the time the sun sets there will be 6 inches of the white stuff piled up on the remnants of last week's 11 inches.

If that forecast wasn't bad enough, he all but danced a jig as added a caveat - there will be more snow on Wednesday.

(If he is at all able to see over the snowbanks, I don't think the groundhog is going to like what awaits him.)

The forecast for Wednesday? Snow all day - to the tune of 18 inches !!!

This afternoon my wife and I were among those warriors charging through the throngs behind our chariot. We fought the heavier than usual traffic to and from the grocery store. We foraged at the fast-emptying shelves and displays cases. We endured the torture of the long checkout lines.

There's a good chance that I'll be spending most of the day Thursday shoveling, digging us out. We might end up being housebound until Friday. Like any warring faction, we had to stock up to endure Mother Nature's siege.



Steve said...

Hale, send me an email. I'd like to gift you a copy of Death Mask.

Sandee said...

Bless their hearts. You know they still get paid even if their predictions are wrong and often they are.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


E-mail has been sent. Thank you.

Hale McKay said...


The weathermen and women are actually quite accurate with their forecasts here on the East Coast.

It would be nice in the case of winter storms if they were wrong at least occasionally.