Poking Around - Joking Around

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.

"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point his mother cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table that evening, she asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...

The mother fainted!

Moral:

Sometimes you need to just shut the f**k up and listen to the whole story
before you interrupt!

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STC (Senior Texting Code)

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing.... Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

-(Thanks, Cathy)

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George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a prostitute."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"

"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."

In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to Room 217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.

George asked, "How much do you charge?"

"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."

Even George was taken aback. "$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25."

Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."

After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!"

George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25 bucks?"

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Bob walks into a bar and sees Mike sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face.

Bob says, "Mike, what are you so happy for?"

"Well Bob, I gotta tell ya.. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me. Tits out to here, Bob. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat'"?

I said "Sure you can have a ride in my boat."

So I took her way out, Bob. I turned off the key and I said "It's either screw or swim! She couldn't swim, Bob. She couldn't swim!"

The next day Bob walks into a bar and sees Mike sitting at the end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face.

Bob says, "What are you happy about today Mike?"

"Well Bob... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me. Tits out to here, Bob. Tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'"

I told her "Sure you can have a ride in my boat."

"So I took her way out, Bob. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said, 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Bob! She couldn't swim!'"

A couple days pass and Bob walks into a bar and sees Mike cryin over a beer.

Bob says, "Mike, what are you so sad for?"

"Well Bob, I gotta tell ya ... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me. Tits WAY out to here, Bob. Tits WAY out to here."

She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'

So I said, "Sure you can have a ride in my boat. So I took her way out, Bob, way WAY out...Much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'It's either screw or swim!"

"She pulled down her pants and ..... She had a pecker, BOB! She had this great BIG pecker!"

"...And I can't swim BOB! I can't swim!"
-("Borrowed from Phils Phun )

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