Friday, February 25, 2005

Brush Off

~ The people who live in the so-called snow belt are familiar with them. They are a brotherhood, and their ranks are growing. The card carrying members pull in new recruits with every snowfall.
~ They would have us think they own the roads. It is this exclusivity that has them acting out a survival of the fittest scenario. I would concur that they most certainly come from a different gene pool. Intelligence, degrees, or Mensa papers are not a prerequisite to join any of their charters.
~ I find myself paying close attention to the weather reports, not so much because I commute to work, but that I want to be certain that there is no invasion of our homeland. Otherwise, why should they be using battlefield tactics? Why else would they be using those camouflaged vehicles to go to work, to the store, or to drop their kids off at school?
~ For those unfamiliar with these vehicles, they are easy to recognize. Their cars, SUVs, minivans, and trucks are apparent by the portholes front and back. They leave home from unshoveled driveways, I suppose to disguise those too. Their efforts to remove snow from their autos consists of carving a circle on their windshields. A slightly larger opening, usually oval shaped, is strategically cleared on the rear window.
~ Like that customized Lincoln disguised as a parade float in the movie Animal House, they rumble out of their respective driveways. I can only assume that in addition to GPS, they must also have a sophisticated radar system. Ala Star Trek, they probably have a large view screen transmitted by unseen cams.
~ In Massachusetts it is against the law to drive with snow on the roof as it may fly off into the path of a vehicle behind. It is also unlawful to drive with obstructed windows and mirrors. I haven't seen these camouflaged vehicles pulled over by the State Cowboys, let alone the local police. Apparently this camouflage is so effective, the law enforcement officers cannot see them.
~ If you happen to be driving for the first time in any of the states within the snow belt, be careful and stay alert. Don't be overly concerned if you happen to see what appears to be a speeding mound of snow overtaking you. Let it pass. Watching you through those portholes are members of an elite group. Though they consider themselves Road Warriors, they are actually patron saints for reckless drivers everywhere.
~ Although it is hard to do, you must drive defensively and look out for numero uno. Ignore them if you want, but remember, they resent it if you give them the brush off.
~No. 56

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