Cartography

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Cartography as it is defined in the Pointmeister's Dictionary (see Blog No. 44, "Fractured Etymology No.3" dtd 2/21/05) is the shape of an automobile. Though not as easy as it was in the 50's and 60's, the shape of a car is distinct and can be easily identified as to make, model and year.
* In several chats, especially with fellow blogger, blue (http://bluedillydilly.blogspot.com) we have discussed cars, usually the boss muscle cars. While on that subject, invariably there would be references to well known vehicles featured on television programs. In some cases we agreed that those cars were actually the stars of the shows.
* Surfing the net recently, I came across information on one George Barris. Barris, you could say is the godfather of custom cars. If you have watched even a little TV over the years, chances are good that you seen one or more of his creations. Most of the well known television rides were designed and built by Mr. Barris. If you were to name an iconic automobile from a TV show, it was almost certainly from his shops.
* Both TV Guide and TV Land came out with their lists of the Top 10 TV Cars of all time. George Barris's products were prominently represented on both lists. In fact, he held nine of the top ten from the TV Guide list.
* One of his first designs was the jalopy used by The Beverly Hillbillies. On another creation, he put together the bodies of three separate Model-T's to create an 18-foot car with coffin handles and spider web metal work. This of course was the Munster's Koach from the TV show The Munsters. Remember The Monkees? They rode around in Barris' Monkee Mobile. A Dodge Charger was used to become General Lee for The Dukes of Hazzard . Souping up a Ford Torino, he presented to the studios the car that would be used by Starsky and Hutch.
* Why not give the viewing audience a talking car that could drive itself? Barris did just that, supplying David Hasselhoff with a black '82 Pontiac Trans Am named KITT. With a flashing strobe light and capable of hitting 100 MPH in 3.5 seconds, this car was the star of The Knight Rider, allowing Hasselhoff to flex his muscles.
* Barris has also created memorable automobiles for the big screen. There was the possessed car that tormented James Brolin in the film, The Car. His first choice being a German-made GM Opel, how could we have loved Herbie? Since the Opel didn't look amorous enough, he chose a classic Volkswagen Bug to be The Love Bug. How could've John Goodman and Rick Moranis as Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble made to work with out a car? Yes, the Flint-Mobile was a Barris creation from the Spielberg movie, The Flintstones. How could The Ghostbusters save the world without Ecto-1, a converted ambulance? Christopher LLoyd and Michael J. Fox could not have attempted time travel in the Back to the Future trilogy without Barris' De Lorean?
* Voted the most recognizable car in the world, Barris took a $250,000 concept car, a 1955 Ford Futura, spent $15,000 to modify it, and gave the Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder one slick set of wheels. Of course the reference is to the original Batmobile! Both TV Guide and TV Land had the Batmobile at the top of their lists as the greatest TV car of all time.
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Besides information found at the sites for TV Guide and TV Land, and Barris.com, additional facts were found in American Media Inc., a special publication Vol. 5, No.2 dtd Mar '05 "Where Are They Now?" Also used was http://www.javelinamx.com/carstars.
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No. 91
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Blogged Arteries

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I recently found this quiz in a dictionary on the shelf by the computer. I had at one time torn it from a magazine for future reference I suppose. I have no idea from what magazine or when it was published. There is no reference to an author or a study group. So, somewhere and somewhen, I took this article and stuck it in that book. From marks I had written upon it, it is painfully clear that I didn't fare so well, scoring only 3 out of 10. Then again, I have never claimed to be a dietician.
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----------------------------------------WHAT'S YOUR CALORIE I.Q.?---
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1. Which usually has more calories: frozen chicken pot pie (1 serving) or pork tenderloin (3.5 oz.)?
2. Chicken with cashews (1 cup) or sweet-and-sour pork with rice (1cup)?
3. Fast-food taco salad with shell or Quarter-pound burger?
4. A 6-inch roast beef submarine sandwich or a 6-inch tuna sub?
5. Grated Parmesan cheese (1 table spoon) or roasted pumpkin seeds (1 oz.)?
6. Grape Nuts cereal (1/2 cup) or Cheerios (1/2 cup)?
7. Hot-and-sour soup (1 cup) or cheese-and-broccoli soup (1 cup)?
8. Champagne (4 oz.) or margarita (4 oz.) ?
9. Soft-serve ice-cream cone (1/2 cup ice cream) or yogurt covered raisins (1/2 cup)?
10. Caesar salad (2 cups) or mixed-green salad with vinaigrette (2 cups)?

* The answers follow with the highest calorie content and count listed first for each question.

1. Pot pie 567, Pork tenderloin 171
2. Chicken 409, Pork 270
3. Taco salad 850, Burger 420
4. Tuna 527, Roast beef 288
5. Seeds 126, Cheese 23
6. Grape Nuts 208, Cheerios 55
7. Cheese and broccoli 330, Hot and sour 134
8. Margarita 240, Champagne 92
9. Raisins 313, Ice cream cone 145
10. Caesar salad 550, Mixed greens 175

* Well I hope you fared better than me. I should start learning these kinds of things of though. I am not getting any younger. I still like to eat though, and quite frankly well over of half of those 20 items above I don't even like. Yeah, you guessed it, the half I like are on the high end of the calorie count! Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow you diet! Please note that I said you and not I !

*No. 90

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Digitally Speaking

* I find it amazing what they are coming out with in the world of technology nowadays. The hot items are all the cell phones with all those extra features. There is text messaging, surfing the net and reading and sending e-mail. The rage of the cell phone market of course is cell phones with built-in camera. Teens especially, can snap photographs or short video clips. They can then call a friend and send them phone to phone. Without talking they can text or type messages that appear on the screen of another phone.
* These phones also have the ability to download ring tones. What ever happened to the ordinary bell ring? Hmm, in fact a bell ring just might be considered unique and unusual. In other words, a bell ring could very well be the next "hot" feature that everyone will want. Imagine that!
* Cell phones now have MP3 capabilities. Coming soon, there will be cell phones that will be aable to link up with Satellite Radio. Not mentioned so far is the cost of having and using all of these add-on features. Never mind the monthly bill from the phone service provider, but all those features cost money. Just ask any parent with a teenager who has a cell phone bill of $400 to $1000 a month.
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* I am waiting with great patience for the technology to catch up to my needs. How about a television set that allows me to flip through the two hundred plus channels they provide and actually find something worth watching.
* I am waiting for a practical and affordable waay to access the internet through my TV set. Since my telephone, cable and internet all come through the same fibre optic cable, this should be no problem as far as logistics. Whether the hookup would be relatively simple. I can almost picture gaming, e-mailing and web surfing on a 30 inch screen as opposed to a 19 inch monitor.
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* Last week I bought a camera with a built-in telephone! You can take a picture and then make a call and send it to another party! Pretty cool, huh? What's that? Cellular telephones already do that? Yeah, I knew that, but I wasn't finished mentioning all the features this baby has. Check it out! If I call a number and someone answers, I can take a picture of them through the phone line without a cam. Imagine the fun I am going to have with this gadget.
* Suppose I found her number and got connected with Pamela Anderson; she answers while she was dressing or in the shower or in the middle of an intimate act, all I would have to do is snap a photograph and "draw", not send, the image to my camera/phone. She hangs up, but I have an instant digital photograph. Can your cell phone do that? No? Oh, I see. You have to take a picture, then call up a friend and then send them the photo you just took. Well, mine can do that too! Let me see if I have this right, you have a cell phone that can take pictures like a camera. But I have a camera that can make phone calls!
* (Of course, I would be a little more selective in who I would try to call for a shower shot. THere are enough Pamela Anderson photos, nude or not, out there. I just had a horrible thought! What if I dialed by acideent the residence of Rosy O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres was there in the shower with her? Ugh! Talk about pornography!)
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* Coming soon: Rectal Thermometers with built-in cameras/phones
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*For a low brow view of high-tech check out: http://bluedillydilly.blogspot.com
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No.89


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Love Hillbilly Style

This is not heading down that path of incest and inbreeding. A lot of humor about West Virginians has been directed there. Being a former Hillbilly, I have heard that kind of humor too many times for too long. I have no shame of my heritage (see my Blog No. 14 dated Jan. 31, 2005, "Hillbilly and Proud of It") and I have no reason to be.
* Nonetheless, Hillbilly humor is colorful and can be compared to Redneck humor in many ways. Jeff Foxworthy has made a nice living with it. Hillbillies are romantics too. Take a gander at a few Valentine's Day greeting cards sent to the wives and girl friends of some Applachian good ol' boys.

1. You are as warm and cuddly as my old hound dog, Beauregard.
2. I'd climb mountains for you. I'd swim rivers for you. For you, I would even take a bath.
3. Next to my pickup, you are the love of my life.
4. I love those cozy winter nights by the fireplace with all that wood you chopped.
5. Darling, you make me as hot as those hand dryers in a turnpike restroom.
6. My love for you runs hotter than a "74 Nova with a V-8 engine and a busted water pump.
7. Your kisses are sweeter than wine, but without the paper bag.

Hillbillies are warm and cuddly characters also. This can be readily evidenced by the faithful maintenance of not only their pickup trucks, but also their beer bellies.

1. Beer bellies are cool, and a good one will keep Sorority girls from pestering you.
2. A good one can double as a TV tray for nachos and beer, or for biscuits and gravy.
3. It is a great way to meet cute Cardiologists.
4. Beer bellies have a lot room for more tattoos when your arms and back are full.
5. The belly button can store up to eight quarters for the parking meter.
6. Big beer bellies make the best waves and splashes when you do belly floppers in the pond.
7. And with a big beer belly, there is more of to love.

As you can see, Hillbillies are lovable and likeable. They live a simple life, but they would have it no other way.

(For another Hillbilly's view of love and beer bellies, check out: http://bluedillydilly.blogspot.com

No.88

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