Sunday, March 27, 2005

Love Hillbilly Style

This is not heading down that path of incest and inbreeding. A lot of humor about West Virginians has been directed there. Being a former Hillbilly, I have heard that kind of humor too many times for too long. I have no shame of my heritage (see my Blog No. 14 dated Jan. 31, 2005, "Hillbilly and Proud of It") and I have no reason to be.
* Nonetheless, Hillbilly humor is colorful and can be compared to Redneck humor in many ways. Jeff Foxworthy has made a nice living with it. Hillbillies are romantics too. Take a gander at a few Valentine's Day greeting cards sent to the wives and girl friends of some Applachian good ol' boys.
  1. You are as warm and cuddly as my old hound dog, Beauregard.
  2. I'd climb mountains for you. I'd swim rivers for you. For you, I would even take a bath.
  3. Next to my pickup, you are the love of my life.
  4. I love those cozy winter nights by the fireplace with all that wood you chopped.
  5. Darling, you make me as hot as those hand dryers in a turnpike restroom.
  6. My love for you runs hotter than a "74 Nova with a V-8 engine and a busted water pump.
  7. Your kisses are sweeter than wine, but without the paper bag.

Hillbillies are warm and cuddly characters also. This can be readily evidenced by the faithful maintenance of not only their pickup trucks, but also their beer bellies.

  1. Beer bellies are cool, and a good one will keep Sorority girls from pestering you.
  2. A good one can double as a TV tray for nachos and beer, or for biscuits and gravy.
  3. It is a great way to meet cute Cardiologists.
  4. Beer bellies have a lot room for more tattoos when your arms and back are full.
  5. The belly button can store up to eight quarters for the parking meter.
  6. Big beer bellies make the best waves and splashes when you do belly floppers in the pond.
  7. And with a big beer belly, there is more of to love.

As you can see, Hillbillies are lovable and likeable. They live a simple life, but they would have it no other way.

(For another Hillbilly's view of love and beer bellies, check out: