Friday, March 04, 2005

Billion Dollar Baby

Only in America could it happen. You gotta love America's free enterprise system. When justice turns into injustice, the rich get richer. When a tyrannical diva with the tact of an ambulance chasing lawyer can parlay misfortune into a much larger fortune, you can't help but think that just maybe crime does pay.
Martha Stewart, the poster child for smug egotism, has been released from the horrible ordeal of a five month lockup in a country club prison. Yep, she has just survived a heapin' helpin' of West Virginia hospitality. The West Virginia hills were not alive with the sound of music, but rather a-buzz with the feeding frenzy of packs of wild media wolves.
Big deal, she must still suffer through five months of house arrest while wearing an electronic ankle bracelet. Soon the jewelers from Tiffanys will be there to have the anklet encrusted with diamonds, leg-wear more suitable for modest divas. While doing time in the "big house," the poor thing's stock holdings in her company only tripled in value.
Only in America could a company's value increase when its outlaw CEO is set to end the slap on the wrist "timeout." Only in America can a convict be approached to star in another reality program, this time a ripoff of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice." Notice the irony? Yep, stealing is another form of cheating. She has become the antithesis of Robin Hood, stealing from the poor and giving it to her own coffers. Of course, her soon to be released new book, "Prison Living," is destined to pull many more American dollars out of American pockets.
There was some justice though, she was not allowed to buy any shares of "Country Club Prisons, Inc.," which also went up on heavy trading. It seems her release had an immediate and positive impact on the prison's image.
For the employees of her empire who have enjoyed pleasant working conditions in her absence, there will be the return to the shadows of the caste system. Her royal highness has to catch up on a lot of hard nosed management. I'm sure the first order of business will be to teach all those in her kingdom how to lie and not get caught. She won't make the same mistake again. That is not good news to most of us. We have enjoyed a wonderful five months of not seeing her smugness on the airwaves.
I have enjoyed the World Ping pong Championships immensely. There has been more Texas Hold'em tournaments on. A lot of college hoops and hockey are being broadcast. It's amazing how much better television had become without Martha or the NHL. One was thugs with sticks, while the other was a schtick for a thug.
Imagine hockey players and their fans being placed on the same pedestal as Martha and her fans. Both of them were off the air, when a funny thing happened on the way to the television set, nobody gave a damn!

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