Saturday, March 05, 2005

Deep End of the Pool

~ It won't be long now. There are only a few more regular season games left. Then they will hold the conference playoffs. When those are over, the NCAA selection committee goes to work, laying the ground work for our bracket pools. Oh, and as a side they will do some seeding so the teams involved will know when, where, and if they are selected.
(Waxes into festive song..."It's the most wonderful time of the year.")
~ In anticipation of the intriguing matchups, I've been watching for the scores of games that can and will impact the alignment of the regionals. Yes folks, it's March Madness!
(To the tune of above song..."With basketballs a bouncin', our brackets we will be a fillin'.")
~ When what to my horrified eyes should appear but team of news reporters covering the release of a criminal from prison. It's Martha Madness that they consider newsworthy! The sports segment of the news was actually cut short for this breaking story? The remote was overheating from the frantic clicking from network to network. Where are the sports scores?
(Why this song?..."I am woman, hear me roar; In numbers to big to ignore...")
~ I, for one, don't care that she has been gelin' like a felon in her swank country club. I suppose it was torture for her, imagine her horror to discover she had to comb her own hair. It was cruel and unjust punishment that no one was at her beck and call to fetch her a cup of tea. Well, one person's tragedy is another's inconvenience.
(No surprise this one..."Toast and marmalade for tea...")
~ Yes, she did her time up the river, all five months of it. Now she must bear five months of house arrest. Then she will be free. Wait until then to follow her every move. Then you can go looking for a grove of oak trees.
("Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree...")
~ Tree hell! Give me that ribbon! I'll tie it around her neck! Why not stage a battle of celebrities? Let her arm wrestle Rosanne for the coveted title of domestic goddess. There you go reporters. Now there is a story to cover! Instead of filming her imprisonment on hat multi-million dollar complex, get some footage of her in training. Amaze us with her weight lifting techniques as she arm curls bottles of wine costing more than your broadcasting equipment.
(Now I can hear the overture from the Rocky theme.)
~ While you are covering the life and times of an ex-con, you can turn off the live feed. Having done that you can edit the day lights out of it and spin yourself a top-rated reality program. It's being done as we speak. For example, see: "Survivor," or "The Bachelorette," or "The Apprentice." Martha won't be uncomfortable with it either. If it weren't for pre-taping and rehearsing, we might not have ever even heard of her. Coached off camera by chefs, she follows precisely planned steps which are always prefaced with, "I always..." or "I like to..."
("I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam, that's what baby feeds me ...")
~ Now guys, since I have pointed you in the right direction to make your network and Martha a lot richer, please be so kind to return your attention to real news. I don't want my Maypo, and I don't want my MTV. I want my NCAAs! The pool is almost ready and the hoses are waiting to be turned on. Soon the pools will be filled. If you don't stop with that Martha Madness crap, then we will have to attach the other end of that yellow ribbon to an anvil. That's right, in no certain order, both her and the anvil are fated for the deep end of the pool!
No. 66

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