Unarmed Robbery

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I decided to check my lottery numbers this morning. What a strange combination of numbers I thought as I scanned the posted numbers: 271, 278, and 285. I was about to throw away my losing tickets when I realized that those weren't lottery numbers!

I was looking at the updated Bush Index. Those numbers were the latest prices per gallon of gasoline! With a barrel of crude oil surging toward $70, the national average for a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline is $3.63!

I was at one of those get-off-your-ass-and-pump-your-own-while-I-sit-in-here-on-mine-and-collect-your-money combination mini-mart and gas stations run by Ahab, who gets his gas from a brother who is married to the daughter of a used camel salesman, who as it happens owns several of those get-off-your-ass-and-pump-your-own-while-I-sit-in-here-on-mine-and-collect-your-money combination mini-mart and gas stations.

I had stopped there to get a can of Coke Classic, a Ring Ding, and the morning edition of the Boston Herald newspaper. A man must have himself a substantial breakfast at least twice a day. It was after I'd checked the lottery numbers that I officially could toss out my losing lottery slips.

The headlines on the front echoed the signs outside. GAS IS SKY HIGH said the headline. Well, it didn't really say it, headlines cannot talk. The first paragraph confirmed what I had already known. Gasoline prices will continue to rise, and economic experts predict it may will top $5 a gallon! A lot of people picked the wrong time to buy Hummers, SUVs, and anything with more than one cylinder for that matter. When it costs me $30 to mow my lawn, I'm buying a billy-goat!

Leading the charge to post the new higher prices are, of course, those get-off-your-ass-and-pump-your-own-while-I-sit-in-here-on-mine-and-collect-your-money combination mini-mart and gas stations. As I was driving away, I saw a man carrying a 5-gallon gas can walking in the direction of that station. (Bet you thought I was going to type in all that hyphenated stuff again, didn't you?) The poor devil must have run out of gas, I thought. He'd be lucky if five gallons would give him enough to drive to the next one of those get-off-your-ass-and-pump-your-own-while-I-sit-in-here-on-mine-and-collect-your-money combination mini-mart and gas stations.

Here's some food for thought for you to chew on: Do people realize that they are paying about $80 a gallon for a Grande Coffee Frappacino ? Could it be that Starbucks is the holding company for these gas stations? (Just poking some fun at_________. Fill in the blank.)

No.290