Friday, September 02, 2005

Redneck Reckonings

Road Kill Restaurants

These roadside diners have become quite popular. Add a couple of fingers of the local hooch du jour, and you are talking red neck bliss. Road kill meals are preferred two to one over hunted or poached game because it is easier to catch and there is no buckshot to pick out.

Blueplate specials feature rabbit, opossum, squirrel, bear and deer. Depending on location these eateries can be quite busy, those at the Interstate ramps see heavy business from truck drivers and State Police officers. The small mom and pop diners can be found on many backroads, especially the unpa

ved avenues.

One enterprising Hillbilly, Elmer Skeeter came up with the idea of selling his most requested menu items through local super markets. Cousin Skeeter's Backwoods Cookin' products
have been flying off the shelves. The biggest sellers include Coon Hash, Chunky Style Possum Stew, and Roadkill Ravioli.

Gertrude Snodgrass of Skinner's Holler, not to be outdone, has recently started to market her family cure-alls. The secret ingredients in her line of pills has been in the Snodgrass family for generations. She claims she has remedies for "anything that ails you." A big seller is her Burp Be Gone capsules. Also moving faster than she keep up with are Beer Belly Pills, Road Rage Pills and Hangover Pills. She is working on scented fart pills. She said, "When that old bastard gets the gas, just give him a rose pill and everyone will think he spepped in shit and came out smelling like a rose."

Her cousin,twice removed, Mae Lipshitz has designed a line of breathmints that she hopes will freshen up the breaths of the menfolk everywhere. "A large meal of roadkill and several fingers of moonshine," Lipshitz was quoted as saying, "Can make for one mouth full of foul odors. My breath mints will sure make it easier to kiss that old fool husband of mine." She has been selling her "pecker mints" for several months. "Some of those floozies around here don't stop and think about some of the things they's puttin' in their mouths," she said.

On a visit to one of these Road Kill Diners, you will find the folks to be friendly. And when you leave
the staff and patrons will send you on your way with a group "Curtsey."


1 comment:

schnoodlepooh said...

I guess you've seen a lot of moons, Mike.