Thursday, October 27, 2005

Shrimp On The Barbie 4


A Sci-Fi Suspense Comedy Mystery Farce Story

Welcome to part 4 of the story of the invasion of the small New England fishing town of Barbie. (To read the story from the beginning click HERE.)

This scene is at the dinner table of the President of Earth, Blyxtz Pyxl. It is the 26th of October in the year 2105. It is the eve of the Bicentennial of Alpha Centauri's victory over the fourth planet from the sun. Only fifty years earlier, the Centaurians had moved Earth into Mars' old orbit, while shifting Mars into the orbit of the former. This massive government project had cost the tax payers 400 thousand quintuple trillion and thirty-seven cents.
The opposition party had recently obtained copies of an audit of the project. Mr. Pyxl was only too aware of the cost over-runs, the illegal payolas and the countless improprieties with Project Orbit Shift. Then there were the activists protesting the treatment of the native fauna, especially that of the humans.
...."I only did what I had to do to get the orbital shift completed on time," he said to his wife and daughter seated at the table with him. He looked to his wife Mylyb, "What else could I have done?"
....She smiled to comfort him and replied, "Ignore those protestors, carling. No, wait it's darling, isn't it? I still have trouble with those terms of endearment the humans liked to use. Carling? Oh, yes. That was a liquid vitamin they liked to intake."
....Wylm, their 85-year-old added, "I really like asshole and shithead!" She giggled as she took a bite of her Van De Camps Fish Sticks. "That cute new kid in class likes me I think."
....Her mother was amused by her daughter's growing interest in the young males. "...And just what makes you think that?"
....Her face flushed, although their skin coloring made this difficult to see, she eagerly answered. "He called me a drock sucking slut!"
...."Oh my, this sounds serious," she said feeling a slight flush herself. She let one of her shoes fall off and extended her leg until her foot and prehensile toes were probing her husbands lap. She was dismayed that there was no response from his drock. Even when she had managed to free it from the confinement of his pants, he seemed oblivious to her advances.
....He was deep in thought wondering where he went wrong. Was it the Gravity Incident? That wasn't his fault, and once it had started it could not have been reversed. Not even the top scientists could have predicted what would happen when they turn on the Gravitation Shifter. He had endured many a sleepless night over the enduring sight of all those humans floating off the planet to their deaths in orbit around their own home planet. Every human being weighing less than 200 pounds had simply floated away.
....He remembered the hearings that followed. While it was determined to be an unfortunate industrial accident by the panel, many like himself felt compassion for the hapless creatures. The disaster struck particularly close to him. He and the rest of the advance force had befriended two of the humans a hundred years ago. He swallowed hard as he fought to keep the images from forming in his memory. To no avail, a tear formed in the corner of his eye, as was seeing again both Deputy Buster Cherry and Sheriff Harry Fuzz disappeared into the clouds.
....He remembered viewing the recordings from the off-planet tracking devices which had been deployed to create files for the InterStellar Archives. Although it had taken several hours, he eventually picked up Harry and Buster just as they left the atmosphere. He was in the process of zooming in on them when their bodies seemed to implode. The remaining fluids and tissue remained in orbit until the orbits of the two planets had been swapped. When the Gravitation Shifter was shut down, those remnants of what had been his friends were drawn back to the planet where they were incinerated in the upper atmosphere.
....That sickening emptiness returned to his stomach. The fear, the pain they must have endured....
....
The telephone was ringing and police radio was roaring with interference! Harry bolted upright. Confused he looked about him. His office ... He was back in his office!
On the desk before him was the empty box that been a large deluxe pizza with extra anchovies. An uncontrolled belch escaped his mouth. Another was welling up in his throat. He suddenly turned ashen as he noticed the small object at the end of his desk. It appeared to be an aquarium of sorts.
....Then he remembered. That idiot deputy of his had ordered that thing from the back cover of his Howard the Duck comic book. Sea Monkeys! Yes, he said they were Sea Monkeys. He looked around, but Buster was nowhere to be seen. "Where is that putz?" He queried aloud. Still, his stomach was churning. He felt so bloated that he might actually burst.
....A sudden chill coursed through every fiber of his body. Why was that thought so bothersome? He'd felt that way many times before. He didn't know what was driving him to pick up that magnifying glass. For some reason he couldn't fathom, he felt compelled to raise it against the side of the small aquarium. The tiny shrimp seemed to be attracted to him. There was one of them that seemed to be smiling and waving at him. Its face seemed almost ... Familiar to him.
....The was a sudden crash as Deputy Buster Cherry came barging through the front door. Roused from his reverie at the plastic tank, Harry stood up reaching for his pistol. He relaxed when he saw it was his deputy. His eyes widened as they became transfixed on the objects Buster had cradled against his chest. It was four empty boxes of fish sticks!
....Although it wasn't something he wanted to hear, he listened as the excited deputy reported how he had found the empty boxes in the park near the bench. The chill returned, a cold sweat was forming, and he was about to throw up.
....Inexplicably his body seemed to betray him as he flopped back into his chair. He shifted in discomfort.
....The Sheriff had shit his pants!

The End.

No.397

3 comments:

aka_monty said...

Oh. My. Damn.

I almost cried I was laughing so hard...
I was thinking about you the other night as I lay in bed....

......
.....

...because I was flipping through the channels and South Park was on UPN and the whole episode was about SEA MONKEYS.
*snicker*

I loved your story. Tell us another!

Windfall Woman said...

Ditto on the oh.my.

I needed the tissue; I was laughing that hard.

aka_monty said...

I just wanted to mention that every time I try to email a response to one of your comments, it comes back. :(

I feel like Elvis Presley.
Return To Sender.