Monday, November 28, 2005

Carol Conversations

It's getting to be that time of year when Christmas carols will be careening around inside our skulls. Somewhere along the way, besieged by the onslaught of these jingles, is when I start talking back to them. You might call them "carol conversations."

For example, at about the umpteenth time I hear one of these songs, the exchanges will go something like:

Carol: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.
Pointmeister: He got loose in Santa's radioactive dump site again?

Carol: It came upon the midnight clear...
Pointmeister: Yep, thats about the time the heartburn woke me up.

Carol: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas ...
Pointmeister: You had to remind me, didn't you?

Carol: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Pointmeister: Next time, don't stand so close to the fire, Chet!

Carol: Silver bells, silver bells ... it's Christmas time in the city. Ring-a-ling, hear them ring ...
Pointmeister: Blasted Salvation Army bell ringers...

Carol: Walking in a winter wonderland ...
Pointmeister: I wonder why I'm out here in this crap!

Carol: Pretty paper, pretty ribbons ...
Pointmeister: Do you know how many trees it takes to make that wrapping paper?

Carol: I'll have a blue, blue Christmas ...
Pointmeister: It'll be blue when you get your first Master Charge statement.

Carol: Santa Claus is coming to town ...
Pointmeister: Step up the border patrol and call Immigration.

Carol: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth...
Pointmeister: Aim higher, kid. You should score an X-Box.

Carol: I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus ...
Pointmeister: Seems she forgot about the cam-corder I got last Christmas.

Carol: Up on the rooftop ...
Pointmeister: You call 9-1-1. I'll get the shotgun.

Carol: Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
Pointmeister: You like snow? Then move to Alaska!

Carol: Dominick the Italian Christmas donkey?
Pointmeister: Now there's an ass I wanna kick!

I am not really a "Bah-Humbug-Scrooge" type of person. My local oldies station started playing Christmas carols 24-hours a day, 7 days a week the day after Halloween. Those stores that pipe music over their public address system have also started playing Christmas music. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against festive holiday songs. I love chocolate cake and Klondike Bars too, but I can't survive on a steady diet of them.
....I like sex, but I can't ... Well, let us not go there, you get my drift.

8 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

You think YOU got it bad? I'm a disc jockey. I work at four radio stations. One of them went to 24 hour Christmas music all the sudden Friday, and someone had deleted all the Christmas music from the computer! So guess WHO had to re-record it? PLUS playing WAY too many carols already on my live show.

I produced my first Christmas ad on October 14th, earliest ever.

Pass the earplugs.

jules said...

It could be worse. You could have to listen to KIDS butcher the songs every day. :) (And a steady diet of sex every day sounds heavenly)

Tenderheart said...

Awww, I LOVE christmas carols...
and by the way, there's nothing wrong with a little "shameless promotion"..lol

Carolyn said...

My favorite is the Chipmunks singing Christmas songs. I can't understand a word they sing, but if a chipmunk can find joy in singing Christmas Carols, then by holly jolly so can I :D

Darlene said...

Ba humbug! That's great. I also love the newspaper article below.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I sure wish I had taped "What a Wonderful Life" when it was on last year. They probably will never show it again....

Pirate said...

I think you mean Holiday carols

Hale McKay said...

You're right, Hoss. Now they over play "Christmas Story." Never mind shooting your eyes out - you almost want pull them out. Ralphie, I like you - but once or twice is enough per Christmas time.