Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Gift Of Giving



THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A HOLIDAY TREE!

Now that I got that out of my system...

What do give to a man who has everything? More of everything? The rest of everything?
....You know, to hell with the man who has everything! Let him worry about it. He can probably buy the whole damn store anyway.

The Pointmeister, as always, likes to provide useful information to his readers. This blog will be no exception. Thus, I am going to answer a question far more important. I don't really care about that guy who has everything. I am more concerned about the down-to-earth man, the man who has nothing.

What Do You Give To The Man Who Has Nothing?
You might think this would be difficult to answer. In fact, it is easy. Buy him anything, stupid. If he has nothing, he must need anything, right? Indeed, he needs everything. What's the problem?
....Okay, okay. As my mission is to provide you with useful information, what follows is a list of the ideal gifts to give to a man who has nothing.
  1. 48-inch High Definition TV set
  2. Three-eighths electric drill (no battery operated power tools)
  3. Motorized Recliner with built in beer chest and AM/FM stereo
  4. Gift Certificates for Hardware and Auto-Parts stores
  5. Gift Certificates for Steak House with bar and big-screen TVs
  6. Regulation-sized pool table with ball return pockets
  7. 4 tires + spare for his truck
  8. New computer, complete with peripherals
  9. New Fly Rod and Reel
  10. Catherine Zeta-Jones


What man would complain if he were to find these ten items under his tree on Christmas morning. It would be a Christmas to remember.

Why do you have that strange look on your face? You have a problem with that list? Okay! You figured it out. I admit it, I gave you my wish list! Come on, it isn't unreasonable. I know, I know ... I'm not a man who has nothing! I come close though! I have a lot of needs. I almost have nothing. Okay! I won't be greedy. How about I settle for just one of them? Can I choose the one? Let me see ... Decisions, decisions ... Hmm. I'll be practical and opt for number 10.

Look at it this way: It'll be practice for you for that time when you find a man who has nothing.

Oh, by the way, my birthday is in February. Don't forget Fathers Day!

No.463

7 comments:

Nicole said...

hmmm...how about enough for someone to be able to pay their monthly rent, a car that works "enough", enough to pay the power and heating bill, enough to be able see a Dr. when needed, friendship (just a few) hugs, warmth, love and understanding..and instead of Catherine I'll take Keanin(spelling?) Reeves?..lol..just some thoughts..

Have a happy holiday!..

With Angel Blessings,
Rhiannon

Miss Cellania said...

The problem with buying gifts for adults is that they buy stuff for themselves. If there's something they don't have, its because they cannot afford it, so NEITHER CAN I!

So they get homemade salsa.

jules said...

I'll get you CZJ if you'll get me George Clooney. My birthday's in February too...so let's plan the celebrity birthday swap for then.
(It's gonna take me at least that long to find that CZJ bitch and hit her with the tranquilzer gun!)

jipzeecab said...

Nice list...
Put me down for Cheryl Hines, Larry David's long suffering TV wife.

blue said...

LOL, I knew the list was yours after reading about the set of tires for the truck. Personally, I stopped asking for starlets after the Christmas I asked for Rosie Perez but got Rosie O'Donnell instead. Still, it wasn't a total wash-out. We just hung around the house and drank beer. Turns out she really likes Busch.

aka_monty said...

I'm afraid you're going to be terribly disappointed in what I sent you.
;)

Unless you'd like to add:
11. A crappy card

to the list. :)

Tenderheart said...

How does wishing you a very Merry Christmas sound. I tried to book Catherine, but she was too busy. Sorry... ;):)