Sunday, January 29, 2006
Hey, even Rednecks need to keep up with the latest in technological advances.
A must have device for the successful Redneck is the state-of-the-art Palm Pilot.
You never know when there will be that last minute shopping item.
....Or the telephone number of that hot bar maid down at the bar.
What Redneck family man wouldn't want to travel in style to see what's over the next ridge and across the crick? He can do just that in his brand new motor home!
....The model pictured has four toilets with retro-outhouse openings in the floors that allow his family to go in comfort while the fruits of their labors fall to the road and are left behind with no cumbersome cleanup.
There is even an optional in-law tow along trailer. If he has a chain-smoking mother-in-law, there is also a lounge for smoking.
While the more successful Redneck might fly the friendly skies of Redneck Airlines which recently introduced its In-law Air-Trailer Service, the average Redneck prefers to keep his ass on the ground. The money saved can be applied to creature comforts such as Skoal and NASCAR DVDs.
He and his family can travel the backroads in comfort. A fully functional kitchen will allow his wife to easily prepare meals from the abundant road kill found along the way. It sure beats the hell out of airline food.
....The family can sleep in comfort listening to the accessorized wind chimes as they careen around the hair-pin curves of the dirt roads. The driver has a plethora of gadgets that allow him to keep tabs on his family while his eyes are on the road.
Not withstanding is the unique GPS. With the "Good Peek in Shower" system he can see if that purty young cousin has enough soap and water pressure.
There will come a time while the family is on a motor home vacation, when they will want to stay over at one of those motor home rest areas. This will afford the kin folk an opportunity to get out and stretch their legs and get away from the close quarters with the in-laws. It will also allow the driver to go see if that purty young cousin needs any help with her shower. Uncles and nieces often form close bonds this way.
....The beauty of this motor home model is that it can be jacked up to allow the truck to be driven separate. This proves to be valuable for the men to take off on a road trip to buy some more beer, Skoal and some more NASCAR DVDs.
Finally, for the Rednecks who are afraid to fly and don't like to travel in close quarters with so many family members, a brand new airline service has begun operations. Using the Country's Interstate Highways, Acrophobia Airlines will carry passengers anywhere their flying competitors go, limited only to the contiguous continental states.
"Fly the friendly I's of Acrophobia" will soon become a Redneck household slogan.
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 12:04 AM