Choke Back Mounds

Happy Valentine's Day

What is it with all the candy? It seems that our goals are to fatten up our significant others. To what end? I would suppose we are fattening them up for the slaughter. Yet chocolate is supposedly an aphrodesiac.

I decided to plan a romantic getaway. The plans fell through, however, when my wife insisted on tagging along. We compromised instead. I stayed home!

I thought it might be romantic for just the two of us to head to the mountains. It would be wonderful, I thought, to breathe the clean high altitude air. The scenery of the surrounding snow capped peaks must be absolutely breath taking.

I thought it would be exhilirating to sit by a fire and cuddle beneath the stars looking so much like so many diamonds suspended from the swag of the Milky Way. I thought it that it would be fantastic to make love in our comfortable sleeping bag. The boulders and stones beneath us would support our every sensual movement.

I guess that is what they mean by love on the rocks?

Meanwhile my wife thought it would be romantic to sit at a candle lit table in a dim-lit Italian restaurant. A glass of wine would further set the mood. She supposed that there would be some tender touching of hands and gentle brushing of knees whilst we engaged in sweet-nothings conversation.

Once home, satiated from the Shrimp Scampi and Veal Scallopini dinners, we would settle into bed. After a gentle but playful kiss, we would fall fast asleep!

The couple was lying in bed. The husband was feeling frisky, so he tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm to indicate he wanted sex. The wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry, dear, but I have gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

....Dejected, the husband turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later he rolled back and whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment too?"

Still feeling amorous, I get up and eye the bag of Mini-Mounds Bars on the kitchen counter.

Lest you think I'm not a romantic, I did get my wife a Valentine's present. For the record, I bought her a necklace with a golden heart lined with rubies. I purchased it from the Danbury Mint. She loved it.

....As I am eating two pieces of candy at the same time, I find I have to Choke Back Mounds.

....(Hey! I had to work that title in there somewhere, didn't I?)

Well, well. Tomorrow is my birthday - payback is a bitch!

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