Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Shiitake Hits The Fan

Think about it! The shiitake has been hitting the fan ever since the insurrection that planted a Bush at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The country, it seems, has been turned upside down.

You can't even sit on the crapper to take a shiitake without hearing bad news of some kind. Why is that a dumb Limey who shoots his wife and baby gets more news coverage than the Winter Olympics? Why is that an old coot can shoot a lawyer in the face and the media experiences multiple orgasms?

The shiitake is getting deep, I'm telling you. How is that a chip off the old blockhead can send our boys off to an ungrateful Islamic country just because his Daddy didn't get the job done the first time? Not only must our soldiers worry about snipers and mines, they have to stay alert to avoid all the camel shiitake in that litter box of a country!

How much shiitake must he shovel before the press sniffs the air instead of a scoop. That's the rub, isn't it? It's better to report a story first rather than to report on one with a degree of accuracy and interest. The Contrived News Network, otherwise known as CNN, was essentially weaned on Desert Storm after being birthed on the shiitake that was the O.J. Simpson trial.

The word "news" has itself become redundant. Who Brad Pitt is sleeping with, what Kobe Bryant does in hotel rooms, or who Donald Trump is going to fire garner more headlines than the fate of the victims of Hurricane Katrina. How much of this shiitake are we going to take before we start to yell, "Enough of this shiitake already!"

As I was typing this, the local TV affiliate just interrupted the finals of speed skating to replay for the umpteenth time the arrival of the extradited Entwistle in handcuffs and a bullet-proof vest at a Massachusetts police station. The stupid shiitakes! If anyone really wanted to shoot this sick bastard, they would be aiming for his head anyway. You best believe that Cheney would take him out!

Why should the estimated one million dollars for his trial be laid upon the tax payers of Taxachusetts? Assuming the dumb shiitake is found guilty, Bush will probably pardon him anyway when he leaves office.

Hey George. I might not be a Presidential Advisor, but I'm going to give you some sound advice anyway.

Eat shiitake!



Miss Cellania said...

I want you to know, I have been reading your site from Bloglines, but I can't post a comment from there. I was astonished to get in here this morning! Still have blogger loading problems, but I am still a faithful reader! Keep up the good work! Shittake happens!

Peter said...

Hi Mike, shiitake a lot of that went over my Aussie head, lots of local politics in there! I caught enough of the drift though to know I agreed with at least most of what you said, that's one f****d up sentence!

Karen said...

OMG! Love your site, it has me ROTFLMAO!...found you at Sar's!
{hammer & nail pounds it home, LOL!}

Sar said...

Holy Shiitake, that was an awesome post!

(Karen, Hale's site is just as great as his icon - glad you found your way here too!)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Great job, Michael. Isn't there SOMEBODY out there who could be the Third Party spokesman and get something nice done? I am ready for him/her.

Webmiztris said...

awesome, I still live in America!!