Monday, March 13, 2006

And Now A Word From Our Sponsors

In an effort to curb the prohibitive costs of launchings, perhaps NASA should begin accepting bids for advertising space on their rockets and space craft. The booster rockets used on the Space Shuttle would be ideal for Exxon's "Put a tiger in your tank" and Energizer Batteries' "It keeps going." Coca Cola's logo has been seen all over the planet, why not in outer space above it?

This gives me cause to imagine what products might have been used to sponsor notable events in history. What famous logo of today might we see in our History books? What famous people might have touted the familiar products that we use today? What well known slogans might have been included in the quotes of the past?

Before the bright lights of a film crew, an elderly white-bearded man is putting the finishing touches on the world's first ocean liner. On cue from a voice off camera, "Mr. Noah, could you tell the audience how you were able to build such a magnificent craft?" The old man turns and proudly displays a hammer and replies, "None of this would have been possible without Stanley Tools."
....After destroying Delilah's home, a dying Sampson explains how he was able to regain his strength after his hair had been shaven. He holds up a package and says, "To promote hair growth, I use Rogaine."

...."Mr. Oppenheimer, I noticed you looked directly at the world's first detonation of an atomic bomb. How is it you weren't blinded by the light?" The man turns to the camera and removes his sun glasses holding them in front of him, " I only wear Foster Grants."
....Howard Hughs, when asked how his Spruce Goose was able to fly and not vibrate to pieces: "When you work with wood, only Elmer's Glue holds as fast and as strong."
....When the two ends of the tracks met, a spokesperson for the Union Pacific Railroad said "We could not have accomplished this feat without On-Star.
....When the Greek messenger finished his run that would someday be known as the first marathon, he proudly announced that he had eaten Wheaties, the breakfast of champions.
....Betsy Ross would give credit to her new Singer sewing machine.
....Nero, when discussing his famous fire, gave accolades to Kingsford charcoal and starter fluids.

The number of events and the people of history that could have been represented by product sponsorship is infinite. Having said that, there is another element of advertising that could be applied to historic event and persons. We remember many products not only by their trademark logos, but also from the jingles used in the advertisements. Many are the commercials that use popular hit songs to sell the products. Which of these songs might have made our History lessons easier to remember?

Napoleon's defeat would have of course featured Waterloo by Abba. Noah would have been saddened to hear on his radio The Irish Rovers' The Unicorn Song. When the first A-bomb was tested, Oppenheimer would have heard I See The Light by Johnny Nash. A chorus of Bang Bang by Sonny & Cher would have been playing on the outdoor speakers at the OK Corral. Rocket Man would have become John Glenn's favorite Elton John song. Blinded By The Light by Manfred Mann might have been heard on Paul Phillips' headphones while he was turning the Enola Gay away from what was left of Hiroshima. Maybe Samson could have been listening to The Seeds singing Pushing Too Hard while he was destroying that temple. Surely Nero would have had the volume turned up to listen to Fire by The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown. When Moses was denied entry into the Promised Land of milk and honey, how ironic would it have been to see him trying to smash his boom box while Herman and the Hermits belted out No Milk Today. Captain Smith on the bridge of the Titanic might have been tapping his feet to the beat of Frankie Ford's Sea Cruise. Would he have seen the irony if the next song had been Come On Down To My Boat by Every Mother's Son? I wonder how many times Henry VIII might have listened to Billy Idol's White Wedding.

Again, the possibilities are endless. I'm sure, dear readers, you can come up with a lot more. My idea was, if only in part, just to answer that burning question: What if...?

Thanks for tuning to this segment of History 101. This blog has been brought to you by the makers of the Intel Inside.



As always... Rachael said...

Very funny as usual! I say we should totally sell advertising space on shuttles... it beats us having to pay for the space program!

Pirate said...

I want these logos on all the government programs, schools, marbled buildings, missles, etc... It will keep Uncle Sam out of my pocket for awhile.

FnQueen said...

Jeez, they'll put a logo on anything these days! Wonder when celebrities will jump on the band wagon and start tattooing logos on their bodies for endorsment deals? :D

Chickadee said...

I started laughing when I read the Exxon logo on the solid rocket boosters...put a tiger in your tank. That's priceless!