Behind Closed Doors

Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. - Charlie Rich

What would you be thinking if you walked by a closed door and heard the following conversation?

Female Voice: You're going to put that in here?
Male Voice: Don't worry, it will fit.
Female: It's too big!
Male: I've put it in much tighter places.
Female: Well, let me have it.
Male: Just a second, I gotta get it out of the drawers.
Female: Is it always so soft? I thought they were supposed to be stiff?
Male: You have to rub it good. Yeah, like that.
Female: Umph! It's no use. It still don't fit.
Male: Try sitting on it. Now, bounce up and down.
Female: Oh! It's in!! Yes!
Male: That's it. Don't stop bouncing.
Female: I hope you're not going to take it out.
Male: Ouch!!! I'm caught in the zipper!
Female: Oh, dear. It's bleeding. Does it hurt bad?
Male: It's throbbing.
Female: If I kiss it, will that make it better?
Male: You have to get off first.

Suppose you heard this conversation. What would you suspect was happening in there?

Female: When are you going to start?
Male: I haven't got it all the way in yet.
Female: How can you tell?
Male: I can feel it when it hits the bottom. Ah, there it is.
Female: I don't feel a thing.
Male: There's a lot of hair down there.
Female: Maybe if you moved it a little bit.
Male: Okay. How's that?
Female: Ooh. I feel it now.
Male: Okay, hold on. I'm gonna start pushing.
Female: Can you push a little harder?
Male: It should be gushing any second now....
Female: Yes! My God, it's like a geyser!
Male: Whew! I'm going to pull it out now.
Female: Funny, I thought it would take longer.

Your challenge: (Both scenarios are different, of course. The first one should prove easy.)

What do think? What was going on behind the first door? Any ideas?

How about the second door? What is happening?

Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

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