Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Component Parts


I've come across the term component parts many times. Be it a schematic of anything from a lawn mower to a DVD player or an owner's manual for an automobile, that term can appear virtually everywhere.

....I am not, and never was, a fan of "Professional Wrestling." To stress my point, it is no wonder that the WWE and its ilk often appear not in the sport pages, but in the entertainment section of most newspapers across the country. It is more comparable to a cult than to be called a sport.
....In any event, while channel surfing I once caught one of those staged interviews with one steroid-riddled behemoth. He was talking about an upcoming title bout with another beefed up "wrassler." He said that would tear his foe into his component parts.

That got me pondering about the typical human's anatomy. Counting only the bones and organs, homo- sapiens have many component parts. This fact, of course, applies to the typical human being. How about our atypical fellow denizens on this planet?

Why not start at the top? Our first anatomy lesson will begin with the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush himself. I trust that everyone in class is paying attention and taking notes. There will be a quiz on this material.

Students, please observe that once the incisions have been made, our President is made up of only TWO component parts; (1) a mouth, and (2) an asshole. While this is not entirely unique among humanity, Mr. Bush does have those two parts that are interchangeable! Both parts can operate either independent of the other, or in unison.

He is only the second President in recent history who could spout as much incomprehensible bullshit from two different orifices simultaneously. The former, of course, is the father of the latter. Married to a cow with the same qualities, it was no surprise that they would spawn a child with identical attributes.

It is ironic that these two "bi-componal" * Presidents could actually make Bill Clinton look good. Clinton had his own characteristics worth noting. He had three component parts; his mouth, asshole and an organ that could also be utilized as a substitute for a cigar. He got into trouble because he didn't know when to turn over a new page.

There are other well known people who are blessed/cursed with the same two component parts. Some examples are: Oprah Winfrey, Martha Stewart, Michael Moore, Spike Lee, Al Sharpton, Tim McCarver, Tom Cruise, and a plethora of others too numerous to mention in this decorum.

How can we deal with people with only two components? Myself, I am in the same corner with Marv above. I can only contemplate whether the glass is half-empty of half-fool!

No.603

7 comments:

Mr. Fabulous said...

Wow, I was always a poor student in science class, but the way you explain it, it makes so much sense now...

Peter said...

Surely Dubya has also got two feet Mike, he gets 'em in the mouth component regularally.

StringMan said...

Component parts. That explains it all. Do you suppose we'll ever get to the point where we have a Robo-President, hand-crafted with component parts representing the most desirable anatomical and intellectual traits? I just hope Pam Anderson's breasts are one of them ... no, make that two of them.

blue said...

Its weird about my blogroll/links that we added point, the html is still in my template, but it seems like when I post a new blog, they aren't on the page. Then I have to go back to template and re-save it. Then you can see them, until the next post. Sorry to put that long of a comment on here.

Miss Cellania said...

In a literal sense, "component parts" is a redundency.

Jay said...

Did you just call Barbara Bush a cow?

Hale McKay said...

Yep, Miss Jay. I'm an equal opportunity Bush basher.