Saturday, April 08, 2006

Distaff And Datstaff - 3

There are many stories in the Naked City - but who cares? You are more interested in those who are naked in the city, aren't you?

This is third installment in a series of anecdotal tales of the desperate and the not so desperate, of the lucky and the not so lucky, and of the momorable and not so memorable exploits of real barflies.

Anyone Get The Number of That Truck?
Laura and Chuck worked for different companies in the same building at the corner of State Street and Tremont in the financial district of downtown Boston. They met at the same lounge that both had met their exes. In fact, it was their affair that had brought about both of their divorces. Both of them were portfolio managers for large Brokerage Houses. They knew many of the same people. It was inevitable that they would end up together. They had a lot in common. Word on the street was that their exes were seeing each other. The Securities Industry makes for strange bed fellows.
....Many of us who knew them, thought it was odd that they seemed to work late on the same nights. Joe, sitting on the stool to my left suggested that they both probably had some action going on the side. I disagreed reminding him they'd only been married eight months. Joe, a veteran of three failed marriages and working on his fourth, offered up this piece of wisdom, "It might be strange but every married couple needs a little strange. It keeps the marriage fresh." I laughed and said back at him, "I can see that advice worked out okay for you." He just grunted and returned to his Carlings Red Label.
....It was just after 10 pm when Chuck came in and took the stool next to Joe. He looked pale and apprehensive. He said to Paul the bartender, " Give me a couple of Boilermakers." He downed the first in a trice. Joe looked up and said, "You look like you needed that!" He didn't respond to that but knocked on the bar to get everyone's attention. "Paul," he said to the bartender before looking both Joe and I in the face, "All three of you. If anyone asks, especially Laura, I was hear right after work." We all nodded in agreement. "Trouble, Chuck?" Paul inquired leaning forward on his elbows.
....He picked up the second boilermaker and it vanished as fast as the previous one had. He said "You remember Cindy in Accounting over at my firm?" Joe piped up "You mean that redhead with the big..?" He cupped his hand and held them about six inches from his chest. He nodded and looked around the bar nervously. I asked, "You mean you and she did the dirty tonight?" Again he nodded. Paul , behind the bar pointed at the glasses before him said, "It was that bad?"
....We listened intently as he related his story. He'd had the hots for this girl ever since she started working at his firm. He had in the past described her as Ann Margaret with Dolly Parton's chest. To the typical and even the not so typical man, those two attributes were enough to make a blind man see!
....After several drinks at one of Boston's back alley watering holes, she'd agreed to let him drive her to her car which was parked in another garage across town. One thing led to a kiss which led to another .... He was driving a Caravan that day. He convinced her that with all the passenger seats folded down, there was a lot of room to get comfortable. After a couple of hours of testing the suspension system of the van, they both got dressed becaused it was after nine pm.
....He told us how she startled him by grabbing his crotch while he was backing out of his space. Distracted, he backed into a shiny new Lexus. Cindy screamed suddenly and slipped down to the floorboard. She said that was her husband's car and he was sitting behind the wheel. Chuck then said, "I didn't think that van could get rubber!" Cindy had told him she was certain that Steve hadn't seen her.
....Chuck signaled to Paul for another of the same. Like the first two, he practically inhaled the two recepticles. Paul waved him off when he reached into his pocket, "That one's on the house." With that Chuck turned to leave and said, "I'd better get my ass home." Joe laughed and called over his shoulder, "Just be sure you take the rest of you with it!"
....For the next fifteen minutes or so, Chuck's adventure was foremost in our discussions. We laughed at his plight, envied his conquest, and marveled at his close call at getting caught.
....When the door opened, in stepped the last person we'd expected to see - Laura, Chuck's wife. Just nodding acknowledgement of us, she hurried up to the bar and ordered a Wild Turkey straight up. She seemed jittery and upset about something. "Paul," she said to the bartender and then turned first to Joe and then to me, "I need big favor from you guys." We answered in unison, "Sure thing." Joe, always the considerate one asked, "What's got your panties in a bunch, sweetie?" She grimaced and finally took a seat on the stool to my right and said, "You have got to promise me that you'll say I was here since I got off work and didn't leave until after ten-thirty." We nodded compliance.
....She then began to tell us that she'd went for a drink with Steve, one her co-workers at the bank. She informed us that she had been mildly attracted to him for some time. What had started out to be stop for one drink, turned into several drinks, something to eat and few dances. Before she realized what was happening the two of them were all over each other in the front seat of his car. (Are you beginning to see where this leading? We were too.)
....They were getting hot and heavy when some asshole backed right into his brand new Lexus! Whenever Steve told her it was Chuck's van, she panicked and duck down low in the seat. She said Steve under normal circumstances would have chased the bastard down. But considering that Chuck had almost caught his wife with Steve, he had made no move to give chase.
....She took a deep breath and settled back into the stool. Paul poured another Wild Turkey and said, "I think you could use another one ... on the house." After she'd swigged that drink down, she said goodnight and hurried on out the door.
....That left us with plenty to discuss. Imagine the irony of the evening - a man almost getting caught cheating on his wife with wife of the man with whom his wife was cheating. Then to top it all off - they were in the same garage not ten feet away from each other on the same floor and at the same time! Hollywood couldn't have scripted such a scenario and make it believable.
This is a true story. The names of people have been changed of course, to protect the guilty; the innocent don't need protection in these stories. If you enjoyed this tale, check ot the first two episodes of these tales. Post number 435 from 11/30/05, can be seen by clicking Distaff And Datstaff 2 which tells the funny story of The Batman. You can also read the first of the series, number 447 of 11/22/05 and learn if he was fuzzy by clicking on Distaff And Datstaff.
There are more stories to come.


Peter said...

Oh what a web we weave if we practice to deceive.
I guess you know your page isn't opening properly for the last couple of days, only the first 20 or so lines are easily readable.

blue said...

Hiya point! Great post as usual. Just for the record, i am having no trouble opening your blog or reading it. It all seems fine on my end. I'll be in the room tonight after 9,..tomorrow too. Hope to see you there.

schnoodlepooh said...

it reads okay for me. but we all know that b**gger sucks, right??? anyway, do you really expect me to believe that post? it's way too weird to be true... is it???

ps..oh yeah, paw prints is going to the big dog bone yard in the sky. why - do you want it?

Duke_of_Earle said...

Hey! I'M the one who writes fiction, Mike!

Great post -- great story.


Pointmeister said...

That's the way it happened, Peg. It really is true, it happened that way - at least the way Chuck and Laura told it.

Peter said...

Hi Mike, just switched over to OE browser and your page is fine, first time OE has ever been better than Firefox, for me anyway.

Miss Cellania said...

This is too strange to be fiction, so I believe it.

The background of your text only extends halfway through the post, so the second half is hard to read for me, with blue in the background.

Sar said...

I had trouble reading through the sea of blue too. Damn that blogger. Oh, I'm viewing in Firefox, and reading Peter's comments I see that's the problem.

I wanted to express my thanks to you, Mike, for your birthday wishes - much appreciated! :)