Friday, May 12, 2006

Cracked Nuts

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In olden days they use to have public whippings of wrong-doers. Sometimes they would be punished by being put on display in stocks. I think stoning a person is barbaric. However, there are times when some kind of public punishment, especially one of public humiliation, is merited. The man in the following story is one such individual who needs to be made an example.
Curse of the Man Purse
The story actually began this time last year in Anaheim, California. Not uncommon among professional sports teams, the Anaheim Angels baseball club ran a Mother's Day promotion. "Show your mother you care, treat her to an Angels' game. Perhaps to some, the promotion was shameless, but there are a lot of mothers who enjoy going to a baseball game. As part of the promotion, the Angels were offering pink silk bags to the first four thousand women 18-years-old or older to enter the ball park. The pink bags, of course, were for the benefit of breast cancer.
Enter our villain! A man enters the park and demands one of the pink silk bags. Infuriated that he is denied the promotional gift, the man caused a scene at the gate. He claimed he was a victim of discrimination. (I heard this story on the radio and a lot of the details were not given out.) While not identified by name, the man was said to be a prominent Psychologist. (Do you think he graduated at the top of his class?)
A few weeks later, threatened with a Civil Liberties law suit, the Angels sent the man four of the pink silk bags. If you were part of the Angels' organization, you would have thought the matter closed, right? Not so fast!
Turning the clocks ahead to a year later, the matter has been all but forgotten. Several weeks ago the Angels began to promote Mothers Day again. Like a bad cold, our Psychologist crawls out from under his rock again! The man claims that offering gifts to only women was blatant discrimination.
In a move that bothered me, the Angels modified their promotion. They would open it up to every fan 18 years or older. As it turned out, however, the Angels miscalculated the man's resolve. Within days, the Angels are notified of a class action suit being filed against them.
It seems that this fine up-standing citizen was seeking $4000 damages to every name who signed up for the class action. The class action charged that the Angels were discriminating against anyone, male of female, under the age of 18. That is where it stands now. This time, I hope the Angels stand their ground against a nut who is surely cracked!
I don't know about you, but I'm thinking that a Psychologist in areas of Anaheim and Los Angeles probably makes a comfortable living. I don't think it would be a stretch to say that he is quite possibly a wealthy man. While I know nothing of his persuasion, I am led to wonder why a man would want a pink silk bag in the first place. How about those who signed on to the class action? Are they interested in the shallow discrimination claims, or a pink silk bag, or are they looking to collect an "easy" four grand? He should be happy with the four man purses he has already recieved.
That brings me back to the public punishment this man so deserves! Do you remember that cult classic movie, Airplane? I'm picturing this man in the seat occupied by the hysterical woman. I'm visualizing myself as one the other passengers waiting in line to get a shot at slapping him silly! Take a number and wait your turn!
Am I wrong?
Other Nuts in the News
I "found" this article in the recent issue of Screwy News Reviews." This paper specializes in human interest stories of our Redneck population. This particular story centers on the Hayes family and their resourceful attempts to prepare for their retirement years.
Bubba and his wife of two years have determined that Social Security won't be enough for them to survine on and to raise their 14 kids, aged 6 months to 45 years old. They credit that their sixth-grade education has made them smart enough to practice birth control to keep their family to a managable size. Said Mary Hayes, "You cain't survive if'n you has too many mouths to feed."
Best believe that other rednecks will sit up and take notice of the Hayes' and their plans for the future.


As always... Rachael said...

I didn't read the 2nd stroy because I'm too caught up with the 1st one. MOTHER'S DAY PROMOTION! What about that phrase is unclear??

Now, if a 16-yr-old mother made a stink.. fine, give her a pink bag and shut her slutty ass up!

But this grown man?? (and you're right, I'm sure he's a crack-pot, and I'm sure he's wealthy... ad I'm sure drink drinks martinis with an equally cracked up lawyer-friend.

Why don't we just change mother's day to "non-barren uterus day." Just produce a... nevermind... that could get too personal!

What's this guy's problem... can't he hold out for free bat day! When stadiums give out give cheap-ass ball gloves and make kids think they can catch a homer with that piece of plastic, does this guy get jealous??

Guys like him will ensure that parks never extend a gesture of kindness, for any reason, because it might tick off a lunatic with a lawyer friend.

I hate this guy... but I thank you for bringing it to my attention.

I can't advocate his death... although a hanging sounds awfully fun!

But maybe he should be showcased... after an expensive dinner with his faux friends, going home alone to masturbate to a girls gone wild infomerical. Maybe we can watch him cry afterwards because his mommy always scolded him for letting blood rush to his penis when aroused.

You know, there is a reason people become psychiatry majors... and it's ALWAYS personal!

jipzeecab said...

I agree, stocks in the public square for this full of himself psychologist.

Bubba Hayes was obviously the evil twin of a guy named W.M. Kiplinger who founded the scrimp and save monthly "Changing Times", now called "Kiplinger's Personal Finance".

Rebecca said...

hahahha, I've always said that "something just ain't right" about you men! ;)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hang this guy up by the nuts until they fall off. Then he can qualify for a pink bag.

(Those rednecks not into saving mustard packs?)

Peter said...

Now that scene in "Airplane" has always been one of my favourites, and I would gladly line up for a swipe at this misfit AND his lawyer pal who put him up to the class action thing.
Where is "Dirty Harry" when you need him? Oh yeah he's in politics now ain't he.

Teri said...

I think I shall just reiterate an old saying that seems fitting:

"You can't make a silk bag out of a sow's ear."

Oh, and one more thing. This guy is going to ruin swag for everyone. With the purse issue, I can't help but wonder if he became a psychologist because of "mommy" issues.

Thanks for stopping by my place Hale...I love your site and will be back when I can.


Kelly said...

Well, my goodness!!! You certainly couldn't hang him by his 'you know whats'~~ he obviously doesn't have any.~~ perhaps that's why his interest in the 'pink purses'.

Oh,and Mr.Mckay,just a reminder, Sunday is Mother's Day~~ so get the wife something nice and get yourself your own damn beer! ;)

Hale McKay said...

I'm thinking he has a sister who will raise hell on a Father's Day promotion.

Canadian Dude said...

What a doorknob!