Tuesday, May 09, 2006

It Ain't Mayberry

Just what does "redneck" mean?

...It's a glorious absence of sophistication! - (Jeff Foxworthy)

Saturday, May 6th, was our 34th Anniversary. How did we spend it? With a glorious absence of sophistication of course! We lovingly did yard work together. The lawn received its first manicure of the year. I mowed, she raked. I trimmed the hedges, and she moved flowers from pots to the ground.

(Fear not, I didn't forget our Anniversary. She didn't either. We will be officially celebrating it next Sunday on Mothers Day. It is sort of a tradition we have practiced for some time.)

After we finished the work outdoors we came inside, cleaned up and settled in front of the boob tube. I finally got around to opening the last of my Christmas presents. It was a DVD: "Blue Collar Comedy Tour - The Movie." For those of you not in the know, it is the film of four stand-up comedians who specialize in redneck humor. The group consists of Bill Engvall, Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, and Jeff Foxworthy. A few of the jokes from the film, which brought a guffaw to my chest and tears of laughter to my eyes, will be posted here.

Larry the Cable Guy, while at a large mall, was "amazed" at the variety of stores. He describes Victorias Secret as the "Chuck E. Cheese" for us grown up fellers. He tells the audience about "crotchless britches" that cost $24 a pair. He notes that he has a drawer full of under britches with holes in the crotch. He reckoned he might have $200 or $300 worth of them britches. he asks the audience to imagine some good ol' boy coming home and finding his girl wearing a pair of those crotchless panties. The girl spreads her legs and says to him, "How would you like some of this?" The guy says, "Hell no, look what it done did to your drawers!"

He doesn't stop there, he goes on to talk about edible underwear they have there. He said he used to buy 5 pair of strawberry-flavored drawers for a girl he was dating. He had to buy 5 because he'd end up eating 2 or 3 pairs of them on the drive over to her house. He said it was a good thing they didn't make them "biscuit and gravy" flavored, because if they did, he'd really be fat in no time.

Jeff Foxworthy's "new redneck words" remind me that I still have a lot of reneck blood coursing through these veins, because i understood them to a tee. I'm sure you could use mayonnaise in a sentence, but I doubt if you do with the color that Jeff is able to give it. "Mayonnaise sure a lot of people here!" Perhaps you'd like to play interpreter on these next two redneck sentences. "The weeds are getting high, aorta cut the grass." Got that one, right? How about: "She ate two hamburgers, initiate a whole bag of chips!" Easy, right? See, you can speak redneck too. Finally here's a harder one using witudija in a sentence: "You didn't bring your pickup truck witudija ?"

Remember, you might be a redneck if:

If show up at a funeral wearing a tube top. ...If you pop open a beer during a eulogy. ... If you have more insurance on your truck than on your house. ...If you have one of them diner juke boxes at your kitchen table. ...If you write "male" on your mail box and your neighbors don't notice. ...If your wedding napkins say "Strohs" on the other side. ...If your idea of international diplomacy is a meeting at City Hall to determine if a Taco Bell is allowed to open. ...

Visit Peter- he has posts on this theme about "Okies" and "Rednecks" in two separate posts.)

...If you found anything a'tall to laugh at in this here post, smile and leave a comment.



Karen said...

..."If you found anything a'tall to laugh at in this here post, smile and leave a comment"...

...I'll drink to that!! :)

jules said...

I like the falling beer cans. Think I can get falling margarita glasses for mine?

cherish said...

Great Post!

Thank you for visiting my blog.

I think they are all very funny but Ron White is so darn funny I about fall over laughing when I watch him.

Happy Anniversary!!!

I bet your yard looks wonderful!!

Peter said...

Congrats on the anniversary Mike, thanks for the plug BTW

Karen said...

OOPS! Forgot to say "Happy Anniversary"...

...the 100 bottles, er, cans of beer on the wall *falling* had me mesmerized! :)

Rebecca said...

I think it's great you work on stuff together! Can't think of a better way to celebrate. :)

Webmiztris said...

happy anniversary! ron white is my favorite of the bunch. whether you're a redneck or not, their comedy is pretty easy to relate to!

Kelly said...

Someone gave me that DVD for Christmas too! Loved it! Just cause I lived in NYC for a bit~~ doesn't mean I'm not human~ I mean a little redneck too ;)

aka_monty said...

I'll take a falling margarita as well, if you can arrange that.

Happy Anniversary! *hug*

And I've watched both blue collar comedy tours...I'm such a redneck. :)

Hale McKay said...

Hmmm .. Glad you liked the falling beer cans. Strange though, on my post the next day, the cans "moved" to the next post. I don't want them there. LOL I just want them on the 5/9 post! I checked the html and the code for the cans is only on the 5/9 post and not the 5/10 post!
...Any geeks out there know why? I guess I'll have to delete them to fix the carry over to the newer post.