They Should Bottle That Stuff

Step up, ladies. Don't be shy. Come and have a seat on the Pointmeister's lap. Got a friend? I have two knees.

I am but one of millions of people who have to deal with bouts of allergy attacks. I have allergic reactions to a variety of pollens and pollutants. Imagine my glee to learn that there is some hope for relief. Even better, it will require no expensive prescriptions or over-the-counter medicines.

Brush your teeth, floss and gargle, les femmes! Use some breath mints, if you must. An application of a nice flavored lipstick will suffice too. Cure me girls. Give me all you got!

Following some extensive research, Dr. Hajima Kimata of Japan released this statement. "The results indicate for the first time that kissing alleviates allergic responses to irritating stimuli such as pollen." He went to say that the tests have shown that just 30 minutes of kissing can diminish the body's allergic reactions.

No shoving, ladies! I have all day! The treatment may be lengthy, but it is effective. Just think how rewarding it will be for you to help out one of the down-trodden who is suffering from sneezing, a running nose and itchy eyes.

Dress is discretionary, so wear what you wish - as little or as much you deem appropriate. Remember, the treatment takes 30 minutes, so you should dress comfortably.

Dr. Kimata's tests have shown that kissing relaxes the body and reduces the production of histamine, a chemical cell given out in response to allergens. Blood smples from couples participating in the study were taken before and after the sessions of kissing to test the levels of Immunoglobulin E (IgE), which prompts the release of histamine into the blood triggering symptoms of hay fever and asthma. The drop in the levels of IgE was significant after kissing. The levels before were constant.

His results have also shown that kissing relieved those who suffer from dermititis, a skin condition brought on by allergies. Rashes were observed to have shown signs of clearing during and after the act of kissing.

Pucker up, Buttercups! You don't know me that well? You're leery about kissing a stranger, eh? Not to worry. Trust me. I promise that by the time a half hour has passed, we'll know each other!

Yes, I know that 30 minutes of kissing could lead to more than healing, but let's cross those britches bridges when we get to them. Besides, who'll care about bedside manners then?

Think of it, if you also have allergies, how good would that be? We can treat each other at the same time.
There are no mentions of side affects, so we'll have worry about those after the treatments. Just what side affects could a mere 30 minutes of kissing have anyway?

("One night a week is aplenty enough, It's a good thing for me they don't bottle that stuff ... It was a double shot of my baby's love ..." - Swingin' Medallions)

It's what the doctor ordered. Who am I to question the advice of a doctor? Who knows, maybe we'll have to increase the dosage. Just don't call me in the morning! You can nudge me. (Wink. Wink.)

Who's first? Can't you see I'm suffering? Come on, give me some lip. I need lip service. Anyone? Monty? It's just a kiss.

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