We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
I feel safe in saying that most everyone recognizes the above paragraph as The Preamble of the U.S. Constitution. For the most part, I think Tommy Jefferson, Jimmy Madison, Benny Franklin, and the rest of the boys did a pretty job of drafting it. When they were doing their thing, however, the vernacular of the eighteenth century was fairly standard. They all spoke the King's English, and besides, they hadn't been in this country long enough to screw it up yet.
That got me to thinking, which set off the smoke alarms in my house, just for the record.
What if our Founding Fathers had to deal with the various dialects now prevalent in our country? When they drew up the Constitution, I wondered what they might have authored and who would have been their advisers. So I decided to put it to the test.
(James Foxworthy would have offered the following:)
We th' Varmints of th' United States, in Order t'fo'm a mo'e puffick Union, establish Jestice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide fo' th' common defense, promote th' juneral We'fare, an' secure th' Blessin's of Liberty t'ourselves an' our Posterity, does o'dain an' establish this hyar Consteetooshun fo' th' United States of South Car'lina.
(Mel Blanc's turn:)
We the Peopwe of the United States, in Owdew to fowm a mowe pewfect Union, estabwish Justice, insuwe domestic Twanqwiwity, pwovide fow the common defense, pwomote the genewaw Wewfawe, and secuwe the Bwessings of Wibewty to ouwsewves and ouw Postewity, do owdain and estabwish this Constitution fow the United States of Amewica.
(Richard Prior would have given us this:)
We da damn Sucka's uh de United States, in Orda' to fo'm some mo'e puh'fect Union, establish Justice, insho' man domestic Tranquility, provide fo' de common defense, promote da damn general Welfare, and secure da damn Blessin's uh Liberty t'ourselves and our Posterity, do o'dain and establish dis Constitushun fo' de United States uh America. WORD!
(A cast of thousands would have given us this offering:)
Webuh de Peoble of de Utid States, duuhhhh, in Ordeh t' f'm a more pehfeck Uon, establish Dgustice, uh uh uh, insure domestic Trankiltiby, probide f' the, errr, common defense, uh uh uh, promote de genehal Webuhlfare, uh uh uh, 'n secure de Blessiggs of Libehty t' ourselbes 'n our Postehity, do ordain 'n establish dis Constititition f' de Utid States of Amehica.
(Even then you would wondered why your kids spent so much time on line:)
~ wet he dewdz of tehunitedd st8,s in rOder to form aroe perfect unionm, edstablish just1c,e insure domestic tranquiLity, proivde fr0 the common d3fense,promote the gerneral W3lfare, adn securet he blessing zof loibetry to 0ursrevlez anf our posterity, do rodain and establish this constittu1on fo rthe un1ted stat3s of am3irca,
(Where would the NSA, CIA, etc., be without cryptologists creating secret codes:)
Eway ethay Eoplepay ofyay ethay Unitedyay Atesstay, inyay Orderyay otay ormfay ayay oremay erfectpay Unionyay, establishyay Usticejay, insureyay omesticday Anquilitytray, ovidepray orfay ethay ommoncay efenseday, omotepray ethay eneralgay Elfareway, andyay ecuresay ethay Essingsblay ofyay Ibertylay otay ourselvesyay andyay ouryay Osteritypay, oday ordainyay andyay establishyay isthay Onstitutioncay orfay ethay Unitedyay Atesstay ofyay Americayay.
(She'd have been a natural protege of Mel Blanc:)
Barbara Walters: (see Elmer Fudd)
(Come on folks, this one is a no-brainer:)
George Dubya Bush: (see Moron)
I cannot take much credit for creativity for this post. Actually, I can't take any credit. Using another blog site, which I only use for testing and maintaining drafts, I typed in the Preamble. Then I had the site "Dialectized."
....If you would like to have some fun with your site, or someone else's for that matter, visit Rink Works. Once there, click on the drop-down box to select the desired dialect. The selection includes: Redneck, Jive, Cockney, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Moron, Pig Latin, and Hacker.
....Next type in the URL of the sight you would like dialectized. The translation is almost instantaneous. Don't care to do an entire site? Scroll down and you can dialectize a small body of text instead by typing or pasting into a text box. This is much handier if you are going to use multiple dialects as I did above.
....Hmm ... I wonder how this will work on song lyrics?