Saturday, August 05, 2006

Proud As A Peacock

A husband and wife are driving along and get in a terrible accident. The husband sustains serious injuries – broken leg, broken ribs, a concussion – but the wife is put into a coma. She lays in the hospital in this coma for a year with no response.
....One day, a nurse is giving her a sponge bath and rubs her "down there" and the lady lets out a little moan. Stunned, the nurse goes to get the doctor. The doctor doesn’t believe her, so the nurse repeats the procedure to prove it to him; again, the lady lets out a little moan. The doctor tells the nurse to call the husband.
....The husband comes in and the doctor says, "I don't quite know how to tell you this, but we've had a response out of your wife," and he proceeds to explain what had happened. ....The doctor then says, "This may sound a little weird, but we think your wife might come out of the coma if you go in and have a little oral sex with her."
....The husband’s a little weirded out, but he says "I want to help, so I'll do it," and goes into her room. After a few minutes, his wife flatlines. The doctor and nurse rush into the room shouting, "What happened? What happened?"
....The husband replies, "I, I don't know – she must have choked!"

A man was at the beach one afternoon with his six-year-old son. As his son was playing in the sand, he decided to take a dip in water. Barely ten feet from the shore, he felt himself pulled farther out by a terrific undertow. So strong is the current that his swimming trunks are yanked off.
....Cupping himself with his hands, he calls to his son, "Billy, cover me with sand quickly!"
....Billy completely covered his father in sand to his neck. "Good boy, Billy," said the father. "Now I need you to run up the cabana and bring me back a towel."
....Straining his neck as his son scampered off up to the cabana, the man was horrified to see that his son had missed a spot. His genitals were completely exposed. He could not move a muscle. He was unable to free his hands
....At about the same time, a pair of bikini-clad girls were walking by. They stopped and looked upon the sight before them. Unable to control himself, he suddenly felt himself becoming aroused. To his relief the two girls walked away although they kept looking back over their shoulders. By now he had achieved full erection.
....Next to arrive on the scene were two old spinsters. "Mabel, would you look at that!"
...."Well, I'll be damned, Sarah!" said the second lady as she moved toward the man for a closer look.
....She began to gently nudge the penis in the sand with her foot and giggled as it reacted by jerking back and forth.
....Mabel sighed and said to her friend, "You know, when I was a little girl I wasn't allowed to look at one of those. When I got a little older, all I wanted to do was to see one. Then when I was a teenager all the boys wanted to show them to me. Then by the time I was in high school, I couldn't get enough of them. When I got married, my husband was always waving it in my face. By the time I was in my forties, I'd seen all I wanted of it. When he died I soon wanted another one but couldn't get it."
...."I know what you mean," said Sarah, "And now that we can't use them, the damned things are growing wild!"



jules said...

Very funny joke, Mikey. We discussed you at length this weekend.

Christina said...

"she must have choked" - ROFL!

Hale McKay said...

Jules, that explains why my ears have been burning!
...The sad thing ... all you had to say was probably true.

Jack K. said...


Damned funny stories.

"she must have choked."

"Now they are growing wild."

Snork, snerk, guffaw, etc.


Fred said...

Oh, the first one is too funny. I guess it's the doctor's fault. After all, he wasn't very clear...

Raggedy said...

hahahaha at first one!
I saw the sand one before but it was a bit different..
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

aka_monty said...

LMAO! :)
I wonder if there are any growing wild around here...hmmm..

:) And more than your ears should've been burning. HEEHEEHEE

You can be our sammich filler any time.