Thursday, December 14, 2006

Christmas Comforts

Hot chocolate, eggnog, Christmas cookies, fudge, pies and cakes ... Ah, there's nothing like comfort foods, especially those culinary delights that tickle your palate and terrify your bathroom scale.
....Eat, drink and be merry ... and diet after the holidays.
Why not start with this recipe for a scrumptious cake:

Tequila Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

2 cups flour
1 stick butter
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit and nuts

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

Bingle Jells! Bingle Jells!

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You are sitting by a warm crackling fire and you realize you forgot the chestnuts! No worry, just grab some marshmallows. Uh oh, you're out of marshmallows. That's okay, don't fret. After all, you're still (1)a little tipsy, (2)drunk, (3) legless, or (4) passed out after making that Tequila Christmas Cake.
....You still want to roast something over the fire ... then the Absolut starts to kick in and you think ... why not try some frozen Tater Tots?


(I wondered when and how I was going to use the cartoon at the right. Where else, but on a post featuring comfort foods? This toon cracked me up, and I wanted to share it with you folks out there.)

Shay! Thish here Absolut Blogger stuff shure does make it eashy to ramble! Thish posting ish gonna be a classic, coz I'm on a roll now. (Hic!)....Oh, wow!! I shtill have shum Tequila left! What ya shay, I bake another one of those cakes?!
....Hmm ... When did they shtart putting Gummy Worms in the shequila? Mmmm ... Shure is chewy! Shorta tastes like chicken...


Well shun of a gun ... no more tequila! No prob-lemo, let me check the clicker labinet. Mush be some bozzle of boots I can use ...
....Shambooger? Cutey Shark? Gallion, er Galileo? Whash that way in the back? Ah, here we go ... Wild Turkey!! A whole quart ... I hope thash enough ...
....Ouch! Sheezus! ... How did I get under thish table?
....Aw, the hell with the cake ... grab a glash ...

No.831

6 comments:

Serena Joy said...

I'm getting my Absolut out of the freezer before I blog another word. Blitzing my way through the holidays sounds like a plan. LOL.

Peter said...

Mixing your Meds and Liquor again Mike??

Limey said...

ROFLMAO!!!! i howled like a hyean at this one. i have so much left to do. i thnk i need some tequila cake to get through it!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mike!

Nice one!

Maybe drinking is the way to go to get through the holidays...but I always wonder if I'll end up full of regret when I start telling people how I really feel...

Good use of the tot cartoon, by the way...

Take care out there!

Your Pal,

Zambo.

Christina said...

ROFL!!!

Melissa said...

OK... now that I stopped laughing enough to scrape myself off of the floor... TOO FUNNY!!!! If only there were no tiny human growing behind my bellybutton... I would SO grab a glass and ramble along!:)