Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Rejected Wise Men

It is a little known fact that auditions were held for the position of Magi for that first Christmas. The competition for one of the three openings featured a veritable Who's Who of applicants.

One of the more colorful applicants was one Elvis Aron Presley. In the end, his generous gift offering of a gold record had not been enough to land him the job. Insiders said that they felt that Presley was only seeking publicity for the release of his latest album.
....With Col. Parker and the rest of his entourage in tow, he stormed out of the auditions. It was possibly the first known utterance of "Elvis has left the building." Shortly thereafter, the King signed a lucrative contract to perform a live gig in Las Vegas.

The selection of Gaspar, Melchior and Balthazar was not without controversy. Many felt that the selection process had been fixed. There were questions whether or not some of those who cast ballots were deceased or not. There were also residency issues. Then there was the matter of ballots with hanging chads.

One applicant in particular who paid close attention to the significance of those chads was George W. Bush. He had given as his reason for putting in for the job: "I always wanted to be king." He vowed to protect the Middle East in exchange for exclusivity on oil rights.
....He nearly stole that election by calling in some old favors. He had hired his good friend Hannibal to stage a grand old party by orchestrating a massive parade of elephants across the Alps. He was rejected, however, because of the Bush family's interests in both Persia and Mesopotamia.

Another who was rejected was the so-called King of Pop, Michael Jackson. He was summarily dismissed because of his proclivity to young boys. They didn't think it wise to let him anywhere near the Messiah.

Other rejects included:

--David Copperfield, who disqualified himself when he learned it wasn't a magic show for which he was applying.

--Dick Cheney, who insisted on carrying a loaded shotgun.

--Barbara Walters, who backed out because no one else spoke gibberish.

--Bill Clinton withdrew when he was informed that the mother of the child would be remaining a virgin, and that she was allergic to cigars.

--Bill Gates, who had introduced Windows 1.0., the BC Edition, and who'd promised an AD version as soon as the bugs were out of the first one.

--Donald Trump who just wanted his foot in the door for the opportunity to build a high rise that would rival Nebuchadnezzar's Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

--Carl Sagan, whose only interest was of the phenomenon of a rogue star in the sky with billions upon billions of other stars.

--Mick Jagger, who was looking for a another site to put on a concert during their 850th tour.

--Michael Richards, who once again used poor judgement and showed up with a gift of ham.

As you can see there were politics even way back then. Who knew?



Serena Joy said...

Wow! I'm learning something new from you every day. LOL!

Anonymous said...

Now that is a 'Now you know the rest of the story'.

Jack K. said...

Ahhh, the trials and tribulations for those who would be king.

Fabulous, as usual.


Limey said...

i'm still shuddering that MJ was in the running at all...

Peter said...

A Motley Crue if you ask me Mike.

Cheri said...

Very funny..which one to choose?!?! lol

Oh, I tagged ya but it can wait till after Xmas!! XOXO

snavy said...

I've learned something new today.

In my 12 yrs. of Catholic school - no one ever told me about all the background stuff.

Miss said...

I think they did right in rejecting all those yayhoos. Malodor, Bathtubar, and Aragorn worked out pretty well.

Miss Cellania