Rudolph Got Run Over By My Grandma*
Rudolph got run over by my grandma
While cruisin' all those back roads;
Even though huntin' season was over,
She bagged that deer with the shiny nose.
She'd been listening to the radio
And she nearly lost her breath
Yellin' cuss words at the DJ
For playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.
So she set out on the warpath
There was evil in her eye
She said "I'm gonna find that reindeer
And by golly, one of us is gonna die!"
Santa Claus had made a landing
On the new expressway
Grandma was doin' 120
With her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.
'Twas an awful sound of impact
Grandma really nailed him good
There were hoofprints on her windshield
And a pair of ripped-off antlers on her hood
Guess we'll all be missing Rudolph
In the winter when it snows
But now he's up in reindeer heaven
With a Buick logo stamped into his nose.
But there's no regret from Grandma
As she drove away, she sneered,
And then she hollered out the window
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a FLAT DEER!"
(*Another piece of work from the archives of Anonymous.)