Monday, December 11, 2006

Let There Be Lights

Oh, the tangled web we weave...
we that weave tangled Christmas lights.

Until Sunday, my house was the last bastion of unadorned houses on the street. It was I who would be the last combatant to face the Light Brigade. There were lights on the houses to the right of me, lights to the left of me, and lights across the street, and into the cold afternoon I strode.

The strings of lights, 600 bulbs strong, fought valiantly. The enemy's strategy was brilliant, having amassed themselves into such tight formations that one end could not be distinguished from the other. The battlefield that was my front yard was soon strewn with the dead, mortally wounded strings that would never fight again. Yet, amid the carnage, they fought to the last string.

I mused that we Homo sapiens should be counting our lucky stars that the arachnids never learned to spin their webs with strings of Christmas lights. If instead of barbed wire the cattlemen of the Old West had used bales of Christmas lights, the rustlers would have been out of business from the beginning.

As if you didn't know, what happens when I start musing? Why I find the inspiration to parody a Christmas song, of course!

Tangled Lights
(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Thrashing through the box
For a working set of lights
I could smash em with rocks
Cursing with all my might.
Lights on tangled strings
I tug, pull and I jerk
What hell it is to find one thing
That maybe just might work.

Tangled lights, tangled lights,
Tangled all the way,
Oh how I'd like to find
One working set to display.
O,Tangled lights, tangled lights,
Tangled all the way,
Oh what fun it is to find
Just one that works today.

An hour or so ago
I thought I'd write a blog
And soon Miss Cellania might
Add a link to her site.
The words are mean and rank
The torture seemed my lot,
Blew a fuse, my poor heart sank
I need some booze and pot.

Now the lights are aglow
Come see 'em if you will,
I'll charge admission so
I can pay the electric bill.
Next year I think I'll buy
A set,two or three or four
I'll put them up in July
And take them down nevermore!




Logophile said...

My husband let the lights win.
We are taking it easy this year, only doing a tiny bit of the front porch while he faces his issues in group therapy sessions.
Who knew it was such a demanding seasonal event?

BTW, I see our Hijacked Blog got its very own section in the blog roll, how sweet are you?

Miss said...

Hee hee hee! I am honored.

Miss Cellania

Margaret said...

Another good one, BTW those snowmen might melt if they continue looking over that fence!!
Cheers Margaret

Peter said...

Few things can tangle as efficiently as Christmas lights Mike, seems to be their special gift to us at Christmas.

jules said...

"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the I am...stuck in the middle with you."
(Okay WTF is this word verification...I cannot read it at all...may take me several times to post this comment)

Webmiztris said...

omg, i can honestly say this is probably the best Christmas song ever. "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" comes in second. :D

Serena Joy said...

Utterly delightful, even the poor snowpeople. I don't do outdoor lights any more. Last time I attempted it, I just knew I was going to end up in a Home.:)