Friday, January 19, 2007

Clock, Robe and Ballet

One day there was a hunter walking through the woods and he came upon an Indian with his legs spread apart, his Johnson sticking straight in the air. The hunter asked him, "What in hell are you doing?"
The Indian said, "I tell time like sundial."
The hunter asked, "What time is it then?"
The Indian said, "2 PM."
The hunter looked at his watch and said, "Damn, that's right!" The hunter went on hunting for a little while and later when he came back by the Indian, he asked, "OK Chief, what time is it now?"
The Indian said, "6 PM."
The hunter said, "You're right again." And he went on home.
....The next morning he left early and returned to the woods. He found the Indian laying on the ground, slapping his dummy. "Now what the hell are you doing?" he asked.
The Indian said, "Winding clock."


Here is another e-mail received from my daughter. (Thanks, Gretchen.)

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.
.... After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him.
.... A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!
.... He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: "No, no,no, for the Son of God ? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor ? "
.... Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of His Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses.
.... A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem , He happened to walk past Finkelstein's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein's robes.
.... He pushed His way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: "Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business ! Would you consider a partnership ? "
.... "Certainly," replied Jesus. "Jesus & Finkelstein it is."
.... "Oh, no, no," said Finkelstein. "Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman." The two of them debated this for some time.
.... Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise.
.... A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein's shop.

Can you guess what it read ?

Are you sure you want to know ?

Here it comes...

Don 't say you weren't warned......

OH, DON'T WHINE & MOAN! You know you're going to pass it on.

Finally, why would a perfectly normal young man want to take ballet lessons? For the answer, check it out here. (Smart boy!)



Anonymous said...

I had to browse awhile to catch up. Lots of laughs and lots of good stuff.

jules said...

How on earth have I lived THIS long and not seen the Lord and Taylor one?

Scary Monster said...

Grunt! Thank your daughter for me!!
I can't, ....can't breath Me is laughing so fu**in hard. Me is from New york and has been away for so long. Oh Me god me is really cackling here...So good. so funny. It NEVER occured to me!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi there! You may not remember me but I use to frequent your blog and you mine. I didn't add to mine for a long time but I'm back. So I thought I'd stop by and say hello. I can't wait to catch up on some reading on your blog. Take care!

Jack K. said...

Great stories. Funny as usual.

Serena Joy said...

Great belly-laugh stuff today. Needed the laughs, loved it.:)

WordVer: fqgqid. Yep, it's been one of those kinds of days.

Hale McKay said...

Shann - I never forget a pretty face. Welcome back.