Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Loaded Magazine

Now at your local newsstands, the inaugural issue of Ladys Home Urinal is flying off the shelves.

The bi-monthly publication is targeted at a demographic consisting of married and co-habitating women. Finally, there is a medium that concentrates solely on the bathroom.

Surveys determined that men were only concerned with the centerpiece of most lavatories, the toilet. Accessories were not important to them; rather convenience and practicality were foremost in their assessments of the ideal facilities.

The issue is introducing the new and innovative Hubby Hopper, which the editors have predicted will turn the toilet industry upside down. (Click on the facsimile of the cover above for a larger and more detailed view.)
....This is not your mother's toilet! Features include a newly-designed multi-purpose flushing handle. Located inside the bowl, it can be manipulated for private solo pleasure as well as for its primary function of flushing. If that isn't enough to sell the ladies on this toilet, a simple twist on the handle opens a jet which emits a forceful stream of directed water through an opening in its end, making it an effective bidet.
....The lid is hermetically attached to the bowl and cannot be lifted. When the lid is closed, it can be locked to prevent your man from using your toilet. If he can't use it, then the seat will be clean and dry when the ladies need to use it. His inability to use it will also eliminate those shaken droplets that are usually found not only on the seat, the towels and the wall, but also on the floor around the perimeter of a typical toilet. (Of course, a woman will have to take other measures to insure that he doesn't opt for the other amenities such as the sink and bathtub.)

Interestingly, the magazine contains a full page advertisement for the Brief Safe. As some women like to have their own private stash of money, these new briefs offer her an amazingly simple security pocket.

These clever briefs are disguised as a dirty pair. All the lady has to do is just drop them on the floor to protect her hidden valuables. (You don't think he'll actually bother to bend down to pick them up, do you?) He won't pick up his own underwear, thus the contents in the hidden pocket are as safe as if they were in Fort Knox.

The magazine's publishers promise that there will be plenty of innovative plumbing projects to keep the men busy with all those tools gathering cobwebs in his shop. So ladies, get out there and get your copy today!
....(Men, get out there and buy up every copy you can find and build yourself a nice bonfire!)

No.871

4 comments:

Jack K. said...

What, you're suggesting that freedom of the press be supressed? tee hee.

Of course, with us having such a cold winter complete with power outages for many, that may be a great way to keep warm.

Marshmallow roast anyone?

Serena Joy said...

LMAO! I want one of those toilets. I believe I'll pass on the briefs safe, though. I'd end up tossing all my money because whenever I see something like that, I put on my gas mask, grab the long-handled tongs, and dump those suckers in the trash. I'm sure I'd forget it was "mine." :)

Rain said...

No more falling in, no more disgusting messes and it has multifunctional extras? Sounds great, I want one too! LOL!

Raggedy said...

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one