One of the attractions of the Super Bowl is the annual siege of commercials. Mucho big bucks are shelled out for these prized thirty and sixty second time slots to be aired during the NFL's showcase championship game.
....While there are many ads run during the game, there are many more that were submitted but rejected due to their controversial nature. Following is but a few of the rejected commercials.
Peta caused a stir over the proposed Self-Cleaning Cat Box. This practical device could be a boon to many cat owners. The self-righteous animal activist group has cried foul that the there is considerable risk to the safety of the cat.
....As for me, where can I get one of these?
The manufacturer of Viagra has unveiled perhaps its most innovative drug to date. Laboratory scientists claim that the product significantly enhances a candidate's drive. A spokesman for the Democratic Party said that the use of the wonder drug should bring about a notable rise in the visibility of his constituents.
The Republican Party is crying foul, claiming that use of the product would be tantamount to actually rigging an election. The Bush administration claims that the Democrats are taking unfair advantage of their recent gains in political power.
Political pundits say that they see no need for such a product at this time. They claim that the Republican Party's recent propensity for self-destruction negates any need for such a product. Conservatives and Liberals seem to be divided on the subject.
...Many feel that if there were a ban placed on the product, it would simply be re-manufactured and resurface as an enhancement product aimed at the Republicans for the 2012 elections.
Victoria's Secret has announced the latest in their line of edible products. While edible underwear has long been a popular staple of the company, the newly designed bras, panties and negligees take the concept to a higher gastronomical level.
Knowing full well that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, Victoria's Secret has upped the ante. A latent aroma has been embedded within the fibers of the product by a top-secret process. When mildly heated, one of several choices of smells will be acivated rendering the man helpless to resist.
Initially, the available aromas will include steak and potatoes, lasagna, beef stew and chili. Soon to be released, other products will feature such aromas of comfort foods like macaroni and cheese, meat loaf, corned beef & cabbage, fried chicken, pork rinds and nachos. A spokesperson for the company said they are currently developing these lacy products with the aromas of several different dessert flavors.
....When asked, the spokesperson smiled and said, "Yes, the products will indeed offer a line of fish enhanced products."
The Fox network wanted to use the Super Bowl exposure to promote its new adult version of the diaper set kids show, The Teletubbies.
One official was quoted as saying, "We want to once and for all, dispel the negative discussions of the sexuality of the cute little characters."
He added, "We want the viewers to think of the series as a sort of "Fritz the Cat Meets the Desperate Houswives." He went on to say that the questions about the curious shapes atop their heads will be revealed in the programs debut.
....The televised demonstrations of those shapes will shock some viewers, but others with less inhibitions will be amazed at their many uses.
In other network news, the producers of The View have announced that they are in negotions with Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump to star in a new sit-com. The program has the working title You're Divorced!
The premise of the program will be centered around the lives of a married couple who are struggling entertainers. Husband Hugh G. Rection and wife Lucy Rection will find themselves in humorous battles as they try to juggle their respective floundering careers.
....From the script of the proposed pilot, the couple discover that each are having an extramarital affair - with the same woman!
There you have them, the best of the worst of those ads that never made it your living room as a Super Bowl commercial. Can you say, "Whew?"