Coming to an Olympics Nowhere Near You

George W. Bush wants to visit China as a tourist. He has been dying to travel on the Yangtze River to have a first-hand look at the Three Georges Dam Project.

The focus will be soon on Beijing, China, the site of the XXIX Olympiad. Beijing was awarded the 2008 Summer Games, just narrowly edging out Turkey Creek Hollow, West Virginia.

As the host nation, the Chinese are introducing a new sport to the competition schedule. The Chinese will be heavily favored in the sport of the Yangtze Ski Races, as no other nation has entered a team of competitors.
Animal activists, led by the sophomoric PETA, are threatening to boycott the event over fears that the animals will be torn new ass holes.

Environment-alists on the other hand, are concerned with the amount of unchecked animal waste that will be deposited into the Yangtze River.

In response to these protests the Chinese Olympic Committee has fashioned two medals that have already been awarded; the Gold to PETA and the Silver to the EPA.

The games will run from August 8, through the 24th. The ceremonies will begin at precisely 08:08 pm, and 08 seconds; the number 8 is associated with prosperity in the Chinese culture.
Another event that will find the Chinese heavily favored is "Tank Chicken."

Of course, in addition to Tank Chicken, sometimes called the Hurdles, the slate of events will feature all the time-honored favorite games that have been a staple of the Summer Olympics since their inception.

The five mascots of the XXIX Olympiad will be the Fuwa, each of which represents one of the five Olympic rings. They are Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, and Nini.
In order they are a fish, a giant panda, fire, a Tibetan antelope and a swallow. When the first syllable of each mascot are said together (Bei + Jing + Huan + Ying + Ni) the phrase sounds like: Beijing Welcomes You.

One thing is certain, the IOC's dope-testing policies will be in force.

The only question left unanswered for the year 2008: Which games will you be watching? The XXIX Olympiad? The 2008 primaries for the Presidential sweepstakes? I think it's fair to say that there will a lot of dope in both of them!

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