Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Writer's Block Cure: Dubya Jokes

THE ALIENS HAVE LANDED

There has been much speculation about a UFO incident that occured on July 8, 1947. On that day an unidentified object, allegedly with five aliens aboard, crashed on a ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

It has been speculated that this well known incident has long been covered up by the US Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr., Hillary Rodham; John F. Kerry; William Jefferson Clinton; Howard Dean; Nancy Pelosi; Dianne Feinstein; Charles E. Schumer; and Barbara Boxer were born.

Coincidence?

Dubya and Laura Bush and Dick Cheney Flying

Dubya and Laura Bush and Dick Cheney are flying on Air Force One.

Dubya looks at Laura, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugs her shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.”

Cheney says, “Of course then, I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says to his co-pilot, ” Such bigshots back there … I could throw all of them out the window and make millions happy.”

George W. Bush - the Educator

Acting as a pro-education President, Dubya makes many stops at grade schools where he poses for pictures, while reading to kids or chatting with them in class. At one photo-op stop, a teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Dubya chimed in, possibly trying to make the teacher's lesson clearer. He said: "Now, children, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," one of the girls said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow at the back of the room shouted, "'Cause your feet aren't empty."

Leadership

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds ,"It¹s me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I¹ll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he¹d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"

George Bush and Sex

Much has already been published about the sexual preferences and notorious behavior of former President Clinton.

However, little has been reported on the sexual practices of the current Commander-in-Chief. It has recently been learned that the President and Mrs. Bush only make love with Laura Bush on top since George W. Bush can only f**k up.

Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second one.

No.960

8 comments:

jules said...

Okay the last two cracked me up.
Oh...and word verification says "ofnut" (I'm guessing that means YOU)

Marti said...

Those are hilarious! Thanks for the giggles! It is always such a joy to read your blog, I am bestowing the "Thinking Blogger Award" on you! Pass it on!

Serena Joy said...

LOL! And I don't believe in coincidences.:)

Nankin said...

I stopped by for a dose of humor and as usual, you're right on.

Jim said...

How did Hillary get on that plane with GW, Cheney, and Laura?
..

Hale McKay said...

Oops! Good catch, Jim.

wazza said...

Gidday Mike,
Loved the "story" on George W. Bush and the fire in the library.
Colouring in book, huh! I bet there were no words in the book only pictures. Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!

Peter said...

Dubya had a library??????????