A Song In Her Heart

Her Royal Hindness, Hillary Rodham Clinton has been running a contest on the Internet via the You-Tube Web site. It seems that the future President the Presidential hopeful the wannabe President the woman who can't keep an eye on her husband let alone run our country, wants web users to pick her campaign song! 130,000 votes so far have have narrowed the quest to the following five finalists:

Suddenly I See by KT Tunstall, Rock This Country by Shania Twain, Beautiful Day by U2, Get Ready by the Temptations, and I'm A Believer by Smash Mouth.

While these are okay songs, I don't think they have the proper oomph befitting her. I think more consideration should be given to those songs that didn't make the final five; those songs that better reflect her personality and political platform such as these:

Maneater by Hall & Oates, Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by the Smiths, Bitch by the Rolling Stones, It's The End of the World As We Know It by R.E.M., Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood, and Disaster Waiting To Happen by Jefferson Denim.

Perhaps you, dear readers have some suggestions for an appropriate campaign song for Hillary.

In the meantime, Mrs. Clinton should be less worried about campaign songs and more focused on things like the ...airlines.

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!

What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a "party atmosphere" going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and "special services."

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Uh-oh! Wrong Clinton!

No.1001