Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Plot Chickens

Just what goes on behind that kitchen door at KFC ?

You might ask, "What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?

Since you didn't ask, I'll answer. Plenty! Have you ever been to a Chinese restaurant that doesn't serve tea? Of course not. How many Tea Houses have you been to that serve fried chicken?

I rest my case. It all comes down to the Slaw of supply and demand. So don't go to KFC expecting to be served tea!

Think about the ramifications of tea and chickens in history. Surely you've heard of the Boston Tea Party! The Colonials got pissed off at King George. (No, not the current King, George Bush! That's a chicken of a different color.)

Well, these Colonials dressed up as Indians and decided to practice for Halloween trick or treating, except they were only interested in the tricking part. Now, did you ever wonder where they got the feathers to complete their Indian costumes? Right you are, from chickens!

Anyway, these Colonials began pecking and scratching at the chests of tea aboard the HMS Dartmouth and threw bricks of the tea into Boston Harbor. It was the earliest recorded case of industrial pollution in North America.

Approximately 90,000 pounds of tea was dumped overboard into the cold waters of the Boston Harbor. The Loyalists bemoaned the fact that there was no cream, sugar or lemons available that evening. Inexplicably, the Tea Party revelers had invented ... iced tea.

The next day they planned a big neighborhood cookout. Why not? What else were they going to do with all those chickens that had been plucked to accessorize their Indian costumes? As such there was enough grilled chicken to feed the whole of Boston.

Sure enough the hungry Bostonians began to get thirsty and Sam Adams had shut down his distillery for the day. It was inevitable that one brave soul would carry a bucket down to the harbor and fetch some the tea-laced water.

While the liquid did quench their thirsty palates, it left a funny taste in their mouths. Several of the Colonists claimed that the chicken tasted like fish. To this very day New Englanders have had a hard time distinguishing the difference between chicken and fish.

Indeed, they only learned to eat and savor clams, mussels and lobsters because their mothers told them that they taste just like chicken! It follows that Yankee Pot Roast tastes like fish.

Well, during that cookout some of the folks begin discussing the chicken and its origins. There was a division among the feasting patriots. The two groups had their own preferences of which side of the chicken was the best. It marked the first political debate of the left and right wingers.

A heated debate also developed over the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Appalled by such a public discussion because it touched upon sex and reproduction, a group of Puritans would pack up and move to Pennsylvania in the ensuing weeks.

What does the kitchen of KFC got to do with price of tea in China?

Perhaps you were napping in History class?

In any event, I'm always glad to impart historical knowledge to an appreciative audience out there in Blog Land.



Miss Cellania said...

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, just goes to show why American food is so much better than British food.

jules said...

Um, Mikey? I don't remember that in history, but then I was too busy thinking nasty thoughts about the history teacher.

Soulsearcher said...

Well I'll be damned!
Who knew!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

The sex egg-ucation was worth its weight in wordsmiths.

Serena Joy said...

And now we know the ins and outs of sex egg-ucation. LOL.

jipzeecab said...

Just a silly coincidental aside..In early 1989 I was involved in a commercial transaction involving the ship (which was named the Dartmouth because of said party)serving as the Boston Tea Party Ship and Museum since 1976. The owner of the tourist attraction's day job was he was the CEO of the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals and of course chickens).