Friday, May 25, 2007

Bush, Barney, Burger King, Boogers and Bras

Presidential Finding
Before the inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. There, he was astonished to see that the President had a gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "When I am President, I'll get to have a gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "By the way, I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
Barney Math

1) Given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals:
C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers:
666

Thus, Barney is Satan.
The Tourists
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.

As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?

Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?

The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg."
Eating Fingers

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears running down her face.
I said, "What's wrong honey?"

Sad and broken up she looked at me and said "Mommy, where's my booger?

Texas Aggie Scientist

A scientist from Texas A & M recently developed a bra that stops women's breasts from jiggling and stops their nipples from thrusting against the fabric when exposed to cool temperatures.

At a news conference to announce the discovery, a large group of men took the scientist outside and promptly beat the crap out of him.

No.996

6 comments:

Peter said...

Yeah, I can see all of those happening, not real happy about the booger one though.

jules said...

That last one is too funny.

Christina said...

ROFL, especially the Bush joke and the Burger King one. FUNNY!!!

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blue said...

Good one Mike,...at least someone got some good use out of that sax!

Jack K. said...

Aggies were never known for their erudition or intelligence. giggle

I heard the Burger King one before only the town was Olathe, KS and the place was Denny's. Still funny.